Void

 

Numb.

Cold.

Depressed.

Alone.

All of these things, all of the time; anymore. In a crowd of people, in my sleep, in my nightmares, these are my constants, my forever companions, my only allies in this battle of survival that I am constantly finding myself so deeply embedded in. They are those "feelings" that I just can't shake. They are the foundations of the infinite emptiness that is me. This is what I have become. I feel like some sort of machine from a Sci-Fi story. Some type of semi empty android, void of emotion but attempting to learn how to express it none the less, as if the survival of mankind is dependent on it. Ironic really, since I am not even sure if I depend on it, or if I truly care any more. I feel like there is some sort of emotional autopilot driving me from day to day through a life I never wanted. The click of my cigarette lighter is a comforting sound. I pull the hot smoke into me like an old friend. I am comforted. A simple pleasure for a simple being. I know it is toxic but I am comforted by it no less. Ah Ha! Yet another wonderful epiphany! I am comforted by the toxic, by those poisons that are everywhere, and so I choose to stay just where I am and seek even more refuge in their destructiveness.

Reviews

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Well, I know well the comfort of a cigarette and relate to this very strongly - it is expresses perfectly here. Although I still feel a fight from the character, trying to express their emotions means to me they are not empty completely. Thank you for sharing. Well done.
Light,
Siddartha

[Nisreen]

You got alot of wit packed in here

and you deliver the feeling home

emptiness is dreadful

[Mizo4]

Lovely prose, i enjoyed its descriptive narrative. It had strong feelings and imagery

[Sami Khalil]

I agree . A lot of emotions in this piece.

[Cliff Rhodes]

you are touching on a lot of emotions here
even though you say you are not
you are touching people who read it
and some of the same things register as a reflection
to me, of my own void
thank you for your expression

[Sic Vita]

The void. Ah yes, I know it well. You describe it so well. Wanting to communicate it but not really caring to, as it brings you no pleasure or relief. Trying to fill it somehow, maybe with words.

Well done.

[Tomás Ó C..]

With drink and drugs and cigatetts we all seek comfort in poisons.

[Leesah]

You have captured those feelings I feel so very often....great stuff here..