Monologue

A short rant. Better here than in my head.

I miss you. I don't mean I miss you, as in I want you back. I know you wouldn't let that happen anyway. I know you've changed, and you don't like me anymore. The last time we spoke, it was strange. Like you were another person, and that I was in love with someone else for all that time. But I know it was you. Your eyes, and you hair, and that perfume you always wore. You used to say you wore it because I liked it, but I guess that was a lie too. Don't take this as me being bitter, because I understand. Believe me, I get not wanting me anymore. You've got new friends, and they are much better to you than I could ever hope to be. They might even treat you as good as you deserve. But that doesn't stop me from just wishing so much to go back to those nights, that I think of every day and just cringe, and whimper, and sometimes people ask me if I'm ok.

Like that night, months ago by now, we were out playing volleyball with our friends, and some mutual friend began hitting on you. I told him to stop, but he was bigger than me, and I knew he could win a fight with me.
But you were worth it.
So I told him to stop, and he got in my face, and I was ready to get hit. But then you got by my side, and tucked yourself under my arm, and told him that you were mine.

Or once, when I was crying, and I was just so depressed, because I honestly felt as if I was alone, and that nobody would ever love, right in front of you. You should have been mad, and I would have killed that me. But you just assured me that it was ok. You told me I was the most handsome man you'd ever seen. You told me that you loved me. You told me that I would never be alone. And I believed you, and I've never in my life been so happy.

That's what I miss. And every night, I lay alone, and I know that I'll probably find someone else, and I'll smile, and kiss them, and tell good morning every day as I wake up beside them.
But It won't be you, and I don't want to live without you.