The Beginning

The Dog

10/17/17

I am being compelled, as a dog in a great hunt is compelled by it's master to search for prey.  A dog  driven by a force within itself that meets it's own savage needs.  Refined by time over generations, this dog, does it's master's bidding to the ultimate sacrifice of life; without thought.  It is in this dog's nature to do so and now it is it's very existence to do as it's master pleases.  I am compelled by my master to tell this story to the dog's master that they may understand their bondage.

As this that compels me is within me as the nature of the dog is within it and He that is my master, I serve freely.  So, what I want you to understand is that, “I am writing this story willingly.” and the me that is the natural man wants you to realize the same message as it is that my master desires.  Unlike the dog, you have the ability learn for yourself, so, read, consider, study and learn.  For the time to freely do so is now.

In Pondering Thought 

11/07/17

In as much for myself as I have been reviewing those times in my life that I was guided by prayer and how it later affected my life.  When I was a younger man from, 27 to 39 years old, I was an engineer for the railroad, I actually drove the trains and that was when they had cabooses with men riding in them on the rear of every train.  

Becoming an engineer was a childhood dream and I had worked for the railroad since I was 18 with the focused intention of being an engineer.  I had left my family and friends to work on the railroad and worked many different jobs for the railroad prior to achieving the position of locomotive engineer.  One thing that came with being a railroader was membership in the Local Union, we paid around $80.00 every month to be a member and membership was not optional.  So, I became involved with the Local Union early in my career.

Local Unions work much like Ward Councils do in that their focus is on the needs of the employees much like ours is on the needs of the Ward in Ward Council.  At 27 years old and just becoming an engineer myself, I was also Local Chairman for the United Transportation Union, which was an elected position.  One of the primary processes of the Local Union was to protect the rights of employees who were caught violating a rule, on the railroad with the support of the Union behind you most rule violations that would simply, get you fired anyplace else, can be mediated to time off from work allowing you to return to work.  Most carried job insurance just because the risk of violating a rule and being off work existed on a daily basis.  For an engineer, running a red light, the first offense was an automatic six months off work.

I had just been promoted to engineer and I cared about my fellow employees and represented them as their Local Chairman during the investigation process which is much like an attorney would do for their client in a courtroom.  My point is that I was able to operate the trains and talk about Union business which because of my elected position with the Union, Union business was always a favorite 

topic with everyone I worked with.  And, because there were so many engineers that operated from a different service pool than the conductors and trainmen did, I could go weeks and never work with the same people, so, everyone was always anxious to talk Union business with me.

My problem was that an added new responsibility of mine as an engineer was to teach student engineers.  And, as with much of the railroad, it was a rule, I had to take every student that wanted to work with me.  I was just unable to do all three things at one time... see that the train was operated safely, talk Union business and teach someone to be an engineer.  For me, at that time it was a real point of contention, I knew that with each student engineer that came with me meant double the Union questions and the added responsibility teaching.  I was just too passionate about Union business and everyone I worked with wanted to be informed.  There was a direct conflict with my duties as an engineer and my duties as a Union representative.

I did not want the added and new responsibility of teaching others to be an engineer; it was only going to be a matter of time and I knew that my behaviors were going to lead to a problem.  And, it did.  We were the leader of a group of trains all leaving the Yard at the same time which meant that we were running on green signals, there were no trains ahead of us and I had actually worked with this student engineer and knew him to be able to operate the train with a high degree of competence.  

I remember leaving the Yard feeling pretty good about myself.  I had talked to everyone I worked with about my concerns of becoming too involved in the conversation and not paying enough attention to my duties as the engineer, especially when a student engineer was operating the train.  I actually had become pretty good a juggling, but that was all I was doing.  That night was the first time I had ever gone down a hill out of control on a train.  The mistake was simple, it's not so easy to tell at night whether or not you are going uphill or downhill simply by looking at the terrain ahead of you as the grades are so slight.  But, I assure you that a grade of 1.75% which would seem almost level if you were in a car is quite different when you are controlling a train that is loaded with 16,000-tons of coal that is a mile and a half long.

So, all the student engineer did was think he was still going uphill when we had actually been going over the hill for about a mile and the train was picking up speed fast.  We all noticed it at once.  And, when I looked at the controls we were just a little over 40 miles per hour, the speed limit was 45 and we were in full throttle going down what was a six-mile-long hill.  Speeding was one of those zerotolerance items for the railroad and if caught going five miles an hour over the speed limit for over one mile was good for an automatic six months from work.  And, every locomotive has a black box, the railroad employees people just to randomly review how trains are being controlled specifically checking the locomotive's speed; the bottom line was that we just did not speed.

That night going down that hill the speed of the train was out of control.  The student engineer abandoned the controls and I could see the fear in his face from the situation we were in, similarly, the trainman in the cab of the locomotive with us became frantically aware and wanted to know for the first time that night, what color of signals are we running on?  Anything, except for green signals and we would have run into the back of another train.  At 65 miles per hour, the conductor riding the caboose at the end of the train came on the radio wanting to know what's going on up there.  At 77 miles per hour, we finally stopped gaining speed, but because of the dynamics of a moving train, it was necessary to release the brakes on the train in order to transition from dynamic braking of the locomotive to power mode on the locomotive.  So, in this transition, we gained an additional 5 miles per hour to a top speed of 83 miles per hour before the grade of the going up the next hill slowed us down.

Well, I operated the train the rest of the way in silence.  And, for the first time, when I got home, I finally dropped to my knees and ask the Lord for help.  All I can remember when I went to sleep, I was thinking that I would simply have to resign from my Union position.  I slept well that night, I don't recall even waking up.  When I did I wake up I was asking myself what kind of an engineer am I, the only difference was that I knew what type of an engineer I was.  I was a good engineer and I wanted to share that knowledge with anyone I taught.  My feeling of gratitude to the Lord was overwhelming.  My entire viewpoint was changed.      

Now, none of this was meant to insinuate that from that moment forward, I was a great teacher, nothing could be further from the truth.  I completely overcompensated. I made it so hard on the student engineers and the traincrews, requiring that everything was done by the book.  Something that was typically reserved for use only when the Federal Railroad Administration, the actual police officers of the railroad, were around.  As a mutual agreement between the students and the traincrews, the students quit signing up to work with me in less than a month.

My coworkers returned to normal right away, no one even mentioned student engineers to me.  It took a little longer for me to accept that I was such a failure at being a teacher and doing it by the book was the only way I knew that I would be able to keep everyone safe.  It was, however, easy for me to acknowledge that I didn't enjoy the stress involved in doing that.  And, within a few trips I was enjoying myself again and so was everyone around me.

Piercing Love

11/08/17

As time moved forward, I realized that the Lord had given me just what I had wanted.  Only so much more.

Within a few months the speeding incident was caught.  Because I kept the train moving that night and no one on the traincrew reported the incident there were no red flags that would have triggered a mandatory review of any of the black boxes in our consist; I thought we had gotten away with it.  And, that was just how I viewed it, it was us, the workers, against them the railroad and their bosses.  I had learned that from my dad, it was us, my brothers, sisters, our mother against the world.

Unfortunately, one of the locomotives in my consist that night was subsequently used as the lead motor and then that locomotive was involved was in a crossing accident half way across the Unite States a little over three weeks later.  The black boxes for the locomotives maintain information 30 days before the history is rewritten.  The locomotive was pulled out of service there and as a part of the review of the black box, because of that accident, I was caught.

When the Trainmasters confronted me, I was unprepared for what they had to say to me, I was ready for anger, threats and a long Investigation Process; that would most likely end up with me being off work for six months to a year.  I had spoke with two Trainmasters, in the room, during the three months I that I did not want any student engineers riding with me.  And, all five, had ridden with me during my month of my overcompensated teaching methods, each expressing their dissatisfaction with me in overall crew attitude and train delays because of the extremes I was going to.  

It was an intimidating situation to say the least, I had been in their conference room many times representing fellow employees and knew what to expect.  Furthermore, they typically only gathered in groups of five when they had more serious intentions.  The only other person allowed in the room with the accused, which was me, was the Local Chairman, which was also me.  This Informal Investigation process was to determine what rules were violated and whether or not to pull me out of service immediately. 

While I could have delayed the process and demanded Union representation.  I choose to simply tell them, in a voice that echoed both fear and confidence, it was all my fault, I can face all of you alone now, but you can be sure I will have Union representation at the Hearing.  The Hearing was where, these same men, that were going to formally charge me today, become both the judge and jury.  But that would not be for another two or three months.  It's really an ugly time for anyone facing a Hearing. It is what everyone wanted to talk with me about on the train, as well as it's what everyone else wanted to talk with you about, with the one resounding question, how much time off do you think you will get?.  I sure wasn't looking forward to becoming the topic of conversation for ever traincrew I worked with.

My thoughts were sole focused on just that, how many times I would have to tell this story to everyone I worked with when I heard the door shut.  Surprisingly, instead of immediately taking there seats as was the procedure.  Each one of them took their time and greeted me with a hand shake.  I remember being embarrassed about how sweaty my hands were, I must have looked as confused as I was, because their greeting was warm as if we were in church instead of here facing doom.

After we all took our seats, there comments were similarly warm, not condescending and scornful as was typical.  For me, listening to them talk to me about how they should have paid more attention to me earlier, but didn't.  Acknowledging, that they were angry for me going by the book with my overcompensated method of teaching students, it was literately all I was able to do just to keep my composure, to keep from crying or even exploding at them, then why didn't you?. 

Finally, a question, “why didn't you apply an emergency application of the brakes when you realized you were out of control?”, I knew the answer to that question, I remember putting my finger up in front of me as I drew a cleansing breath as the question was repeated again.  I had to stop talking twice before I had the composure to go forward, when I finally began speaking, largely thanks to their demeanor, we entered into meaningful conversation about the incident.

As I began speaking my voice shifted, from one of fear and confidence, to one of sincerity and openness.  I knew these men, I had had my position of Local Chairman before any of them had been relocated here.  Typically, a Trainmaster stayed two years or less and none of them, not even one, had ever really wanted to hear what I had to say.  We were literately on the opposite sides of issues whenever we met, and yet today I recognized eager anticipation from what I was telling them.

I told them, I actually stopped the student from putting the train into emergency, they chuckled among themselves, but they ask me to please continue.  I told them, I was standing next to controls when we all became aware, nearly at the same time, we were in trouble.  I literately grabbed the student's hand and stopped him from making an emergency application of the brakes; I could see the fear on his face.  My immediate thought was that an emergency application of the air brakes would not be enough, by putting the train in emergency, I would loose the ability to control the train with the dynamic breaking of the locomotives.

We had seven locomotives in our consist with the capability of 3000 horse power each, that's 21,000 horse power breaking the train that I would loose if I had let the train be put in emergence.  And, because of the composition material the brake shoes are made of it would take at least two to three minutes of application, before they actually begin breaking the train with any real stopping power.  In that time I would able to reduce the throttle of the locomotive and maintain proper train dynamics while work into dynamic breaking, which is what I did.

The room lit up with questions each seeking knowledge instead of accusing me of anything.  What do you mean by train dynamics?  How did the train feel at that speed?  And, further with the emergency brake, what do you mean you would loose dynamic breaking?.  I knew the answers to these questions and I knew how to talk to people who were eager to hear what I had to say.  

Once again my emotions welled up inside of me, I had explained the answers to those questions whether or not a student engineer wanted to hear them.  I had to put my finger up in front of myself to pause them while I took another cleansing breath before I began.  As far as this speeding incident goes, there was no one on earth that had considered my actions during this incident more than I had.  In that moment I felt peace in my heart, I had perfect clarity of thought and I knew just how to proceed.

I told them, I remember at 65 miles per hour, the conductor came on the radio and ask me, what's going on up there?.  I was scared, we were still gaining speed to fast. All I told the conductor was that I would be bunching the train up a little faster than usual and to let me know when the slack was in.  As I pulled back on the dynamic brake lever I could feel the slack start coming in, I could here the comforting sound of the locomotive's power as they began pushing back against the kinetic energy of the mile and a half long loaded coal train.  

When slack comes in, it came in in waves, that night with each wave, I was able to see the speedometer move a little faster.   In the cab of the locomotive, as near as I am able to compare it, the waves of slack coming in felt like the feeling I felt when I was in first grade on the merry-go-round and a sixth grader came by and gave it a few good spins, each spin then, felt like a wave slack coming in that night and no less frightening.

When the conductor radioed back to me they were over the hill, I pulled the handle back to full dynamic breaking, the locomotives began to roar to full power pushing against the train.  I told them then, that I would probably never forget ever detail of that night, it's been 30 years since then, and I haven't.  We spent nearly two hours in meaningful conversation during which time I taught a room full of Trainmasters a basic understanding of train dynamics and operations and they were excited.

We parted that afternoon friends.  They wanted my help.  They wanted to set a standard of time that an engineer had to be in service as an engineer before they were allowed to take student engineers with them.  They wanted to raise the speed on the track and they were bringing in a special train that had been specifically designed to measure to the moving stress of a train on the track and they wanted me to operate it.  They were rolling out a new program of public awareness at railroad crossings and they wanted me to go with them to answer questions the public may have about train operations.

They told me that that was the fastest a loaded coal train every went to anyone's knowledge without causing an accident and that if I had immediately placed the train into emergency stop it would not have been enough.  The simulator showed that at my rate of acceleration with just the air breaks set on the train, which is all an emergency application of the brakes would have accomplish, the speed of the train would have reached speeds 30 to 40 miles per hour faster.  

They told me, the train, most likely, would have derailed when the remainder of the train came over the hill and all the slack ran in at one time instead of in controlled waves, as I put it.  As it turned out, the only hope of regaining control a run-away-train in that situation was precisely and exactly the way I did it.  

Just a few seconds earlier or just a few seconds later, either way, if I had not released the air brakes on the train and began working into power pulling the train up the next hill and allowed the train to further increase speed just the way I did, the simulator showed that the trains dynamic forces would have derailed the train.

Their last question was humbling, they asked me, how did you know what to do?.  The truth was, my only conscious actions were stopping the student engineer from placing the train in emergency,  answering the conductor radio and working the locomotive controls to begin dynamic breaking.  Everything else, the releasing of the train air breaks, the working out of dynamic breaking into power, increasing the throttle.  I watched myself make those actions, I didn't make them myself.

In that moment when I realized the truth and it was overwhelming, I lost my composure, when I said the truth myself out-loud, everyone in that room knew, I was telling the truth, it was the Lord.

Steven Pendergast