Unconditional

A rare personal write.

 

I wept as they awaited me upon the sunlit hill

Beckoning I follow them, through trials of self-inflicted ills

I bade them ‘Go! Just walk away’

But they held their faith and still they stayed

I fell down to my knees and prayed they went away

I did not want the burden of being strong for them

But they told me

‘We want nothing, but to see your smiling face again’

 

Negative experience informed my expectations

A second child to lose in life through vengeful limitations

And so I played the part I’d known

A blast right from the past

My existential nihilist said ‘nothing ever lasts’

So many years I’d wasted while waiting for a chance

To do the right thing, standing still- never to advance

And though she told me ‘if not when’

I did not dare to try again

‘I would never do that to you’

I heard my lover say

My harsh retort:

‘I know you won’t- I’ll f*****g walk away’

 

The substances coursed through my veins

And fear cursed my weak mind

I told them I’d rejected them

Lashing out in rage so blind

But my hate was tempered by their words

As they spoke intentions clearly

They said

‘We want nothing from your heart that you would not give us freely’

 

And so I crawled toward them, in guilt and pain and shame

I could not understand why they wanted me again

So much I’d done I could not take back

Using love, abusing trust- contemptuous attacks

A lust for life that went so wrong

I gave family life for a punk rock song

And then they said, ‘We know you’re brave,

But we’ll be strong for you when you’re afraid

We know you’ve fallen far from grace

But our love is true and still we wait’

 

It was then I saw my child again; an angel with blue eyes

And her mother I’d rejected and pretended I despised

My fear had turned me right to wrong- I was lost upon life’s path

They had endured so much from me, but their love still brought me back

So now I’ll live my time for them, though a debt need not be paid

With unconditional love and courageous hearts

 A man of me they’ve made.

 

Author's Note

This is about, and for, my wife and daughter.

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear spence,

Clearly a heart-felt piece and the power of your emotions pour through the words. I can hear the aching, the despiration, the desire to run away. I feel the pull of their love and devotion to you and their lifting you up and setting you down gently again back where you belong. Beautiful words. Very inspiring.

Best regards,

Rick

[Twilight]

Sad, and very sincere. I admire your courage, in sharing this homage with us, Spence. The memories and feelings here, are described in a manner, which lingers hauntingly in the mind.....

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

This brought tears to my eyes

Beautiful!!!

It was then I saw my child again; an angel with blue eyes
And her mother I'd rejected and pretended I despised
My fear had turned me right to wrong- I was lost upon life's path
They had endured so much from me, but their love still brought me back
So now I'll live my time for them, though a debt need not be paid
With unconditional love and courageous hearts
A man of me they've made.

[Vesa Lee]

Achingly beautiful.
My vision grew blurry with reading this part in particular:
........................
And then they said, 'We know you're brave,
But we'll be strong for you when you're afraid
We know you've fallen far from grace
But our love is true and still we wait'
........................
To be lost, broken, and hurting yet welcomed home unconditionally...it's a scary thing.
Amazing write.

"Torn between your separated arms and staying in the dark..."- The Send

[Katherine Wyatt]

Another amazing piece. and so beautifully executed...Unconditional love is an amazing thing.. definitely transforming!

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

Thats so strong, one of the most beautiful poems I read for long time, true and beautiful brave words , Thank you Yossi