Ada

A Story by spayne94

Her name was Ada. Her life was a series of unfinished books, unfinished cigarettes, the vogue kind, and half finished meals. She was clueless of both her sanity and future. Everyone appeared to be concerned but Ada couldn't understand why. Why would people care? She had grown to be a lifeless blur, a soft guassian blur. The kind that blurs behind her mothers stance. The kind that worries endlessly. Ada was a writer, a writer of pages about her own personal suffering. But Ada was a perfectionist. Ada's room was sheets of white crumpled on the floor. Torn pieces covered the oak floorboards where her father had ripped the carpet apart furiously. Her life was a mess just like her mind.

She was the girl child of her parents insanity. It seemed she had inherited their bizzarity. She obsessed over her insanity. She longed for the answers she never wished to hear. Her thoughts killed her insides. She wanted answers. Never did she hear the three words she dreaded to hear. All she heard was 'unstable' over and over splurging out of Dr Road's mouth.

It all started when she was eight years old when her parents went their separate ways. This time has always stuck in the young girls mind. It was her first experience of rejection and this was where it all started. The very day her world fell apart. The very day her father leaked the tears of i love you. All throughout the years she heard the words i hate you. All the judgments she felt from her fathers dismay. Her childhood was full of glee but as she grew her mother then turned a blind eye. Her mother sat in denial all these years. It was only when Ada first decided to die that her mother realised there was a serious concern.

So this story begins with the day Ada's life took a turn for the worst. She was only 14 when her perfect life came crashing down like the twin towers on 9/11.

My name is Ada and i'm 18 years old. I am diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, this being generalised anxiety disorder, the disorder of hell. Not that i'm even sure if there is a hell or if i'm already living in hell. It sure feels that way with my hellish mind. Some days it feels like this monster has taken over me and is destroying anything and everything that get's in his way. Or perhaps I am the monster that is living inside. Now without sounding like a happy go lucky school girl I do enjoy life, some aspects anyway, I have some friends and I love to write. So here is me telling you my darkest secrets. Now I should be honest with you all and tell you that yes I do press the self destruct button all too much but I am working on that button. I take sertraline once daily but I don't find it helpful in the slightest. This is my journal and this is for you to all understand why I ever decided to tell the truth.

I forgot to mention that I am also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and severe depression. The three are my deepest darkest secret. It all started when my parents divorced a fair few years ago. Tequila tears ran in rivers from my glassy eyes. A broken girl at most a shattered mirror. A year of bad luck for every sin I stole.

Ada's head reversed into the picture of her past. The all too many secrets eating her away inside. The secrets destroying her one by one unleashing their dark force upon her. The many men taking her like air from a drowning man's lungs. Her heart raced, her breathes shortened like pebbles in the sea and her mind wandered like the wind. It was all so new to her, the flashbacks, the thoughts, the evil workings of her mind. All of it, every second her mind raced she grew to be more afraid.

Her brain transformed her into the evil of her past. Images flashed in her eyes, voices screamed in her head, her body shook with anxiety and her heart pumped panic. All the memories she so desperately wanted to erase were swirling back. Jumping from every corner of her cranium. She was scared, what was happening to her?

Tears sprinted off her cheeks creating puddles on her delicate skin. Her body froze like icicles on a winters night. Her jaw hung like an old picture on a rusty nail. She was afraid of the unknown. Tears leaked out of her solemn opal eyes and suddenly she was in a fit of tears shaking in hysterics.

Thrown back into reality she let out a sigh of relief as she felt the warm summer air flowing through her delicate hair feeling the pressure off her shoulders as she takes a deep breath looking around her hearing the sound of birds singing seeing the white clouds drifting though the blue sky slowly.

© 2013 spayne94

Author's Note

how can i move the story on to the girls struggles, i'm stuck of where to take the story now.

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Megan

That was chilling. You have a way with words. I especially liked the first paragraph with describing the girl.

As for where to go with it, are there specific events that happened when she was 14 that changed everything for her? It's her journal that she's writing in, right? "This is for you to understand why I ever decided to tell the truth." Why is she deciding to tell the truth? Was she lying at some point or hiding something? You really could go anywhere with this. I'm thinking with the last paragraph that a good transition at this point would be a flashback to some event?

It's a great start, keep going with it! :)