Snail Butt-faced Motherfucking Heartbreaker

I have no idea what this is. It's stream of consciousness like I suppose, but also really nonsensical. Make of it what you will :)

I don't even know what I’m doing anymore? I am proud of myself while my stomach rebels and my shining lights blind my brain, and then I’m f*****g obsessed, how do I lose the obsession of remembering how it used to be? I mean, I seem to need the f*****g answers so desperately but I am still existing DESPITE the confusion DESPITE the eyeglasses DESPITE what I see as childlike innocence morphing into a disgusting, rolling mass of boredom and squeam. Oh and f**k the calories, ok? I really need to let things go, I’M TELLING YOU, I don’t think it’s normal to think this much about why I need to know. But the thing is, the thing is, (let me tell you), I just don’t understand why I can’t jump off the roof, why I can’t fall down the ash and smoke-stained chimney, why the future scares me just as much as death… the same person will deal with both of those, and they are certainly not me. How do I trust my body when all I’ve done is try to leave it, carve the hearts and strikes and burning flowers into it’s lovely, expensive D-N-A, it’s D.N.A, and why does it still help me exist? I suppose it could be its way of redemption, of saying, haha m**********r I got you now, you aren’t going ANYWHERE. Wouldn’t that be ironic? Though I suppose everything is if you think of it like that. What do I want? What the f**k do I want? Who am I (the question I will never know) but actually I JUST REMEMBERED I will never know any of the answers to my million questions, but then why do I ask? Why can I even ask questions? It makes absolutely no sense and I just feel so encased in plastic, wrapped in bumpy frog-skin, the loose edges of my dead cells hanging off me like f*****g dog tongues. Do you understand me? I guess, following my nonsensical logic, I’ll never know, but it’s not that nonsensical (I just decided.) Yes, I can. That is the answer, the loophole, oh hoho let me TELL YOU there are SO many f*****g loopholes. That’s probably just what life is anyway… just a random loophole that was very intensively forgetfully created(ly). MMMMM damn the dishwasher’s running and I don’t like these f*****g rules but I also don’t exactly like the other things without them. I smell my blood and guts every day, isn’t that weird? My nose is connected to my heart, and so are my eyes. But it’s complicated. I bet I already said that. I talked to a ghost last night, and his music is phenomenal, otherworldly, made my heart smile, but was that my memories or his piano notes? I don’t know, but it was beautiful either way. I miss him, and I still have that feeling of I NEED TO BE YOUR FOCUS and I was SO intent on pointing my feet away from him? It felt nice though. I only started flirting with his memory once I left, I think, I hope. I I I. It looks like three. Three is so satisfying, I think so at least, I really like it’s tiny toes twitching my monstrous marigolds how have houses existed enticingly effervescent I intend indeed. Aren’t I creative, aren’t I, TELL ME haha just kidding (that’s how I escape all of it, all of it, I am bullshit, we all are, I don’t know what I’m going to say tomorrow, who do you think I am, your idea of what human is?) I suppose I can’t answer that question either BUT can YOU answer it FOR me maybe that’s what I’ve been trying to do… maybe that’s why I’m so intent on getting to the bottom of my existence, because I know I can’t answer my own questions, but I don’t know about you. Can you answer my own questions? You tell me. I don’t even understand this, but do you? You tell me. I wish you could, but you can’t I think, but didn’t I just say I couldn’t answer my own questions? I suppose I do, actually, but it’s just that every question has infinite answers, the answers can be anything anywhere ever existing. How are you? Snail. Buttface. Floor. Heartbreaker. Pomegranate. Kiwi. Lawn chair. Everything has all the meanings, and I am you as much as you are me. Make sense of THAT, you snail buttfaced motherfucking heartbreaker.