poptart conspiracy

me and my friend

its_a_conspiracy42 : it was a dark and stormy night....
pgsty247: they were some tourists out on cape cod
pgsty247: then suddenly
its_a_conspiracy42 : ALL WENT HORRIBLY HORRIBLY WRONG
pgsty247: the evil poptarts came out thru the fog
pgsty247: and attacked
its_a_conspiracy42 : *dun dun dun*
its_a_conspiracy42 : AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
pgsty247: they chased them a mile or so when they tripped over branches set in thier way by the females and then the male poptarts encroached for the kill
its_a_conspiracy42 : with horribly nasty evil noises and saliva dripping fromtheir pastry fangs....
pgsty247: which has a unique calamity towards humans
pgsty247: the saliva seeps into the open wounds
pgsty247: turning what was once blood to dripping jam
its_a_conspiracy42 : slowly killing the victim through blood poisening!
its_a_conspiracy42 : oh ok yours is better!
pgsty247: oooo thats good 2
its_a_conspiracy42 : yours is more funny
pgsty247: ok lets both pick one we like better
its_a_conspiracy42 : i like yours! i cant htink of anything better!
pgsty247: mine ok we will do that
its_a_conspiracy42 : ok! it turns their victims blood into dripping jam! mwahahahaha!
its_a_conspiracy42 : then....they suck the jam out.....while they're still alive!!!!
pgsty247: then when it seems thier victoms are close to the end the evilpoptarts hang them up to refill
its_a_conspiracy42 : then they use the still living bodies as jelly recepticles and cart them off to their underground lair to store their supply of food!!!
pgsty247: you can refill ones jam upwards of 3 times and the human body holds 50 gallons at once
its_a_conspiracy42 : they take them to this nightmarish jam-basement where dozens of victims hang....filled with jam!
pgsty247: like a wine cellar full of ouzing victoms
its_a_conspiracy42 : yeah! some strawberry....some grape...some blueberry....some chocolate s'more!
pgsty247: the vast varitity and complex nature of thease predators give them the freedom to strike again and a again for more jam
its_a_conspiracy42 : until their vicious need for fruit filling is satisfied!!
pgsty247: no one will harm thease creatures because they look so innocent one minute lieing on the plate the next eating thier victoms jam
pgsty247: commercial break
its_a_conspiracy42 : and now we're back! it is a scene all too common.....an unsuspecting human fixing breakfast....they put the pop tart in the toaster.....little expecting that the heat of that toaster will bring their worst nightmare to life!!!!
pgsty247: this was the case for this 5 yr old victom of when evil poptarts attack
pgsty247: *goes to interview*
its_a_conspiracy42 : (we have been asked to protect the identity of the victim)
pgsty247: "it was a normal day like any other
its_a_conspiracy42 : brb]
pgsty247: then i was just about to put it into my mouth when i heard a sound...
its_a_conspiracy42 : ...it was a kind of pastry-like sound....like you might hear in a bakery after it just opened in the morning....
pgsty247: but then then i felt claws in my mouth
pgsty247: i ripped it out and saw its face
its_a_conspiracy42 : it's horribly gleaming fangs.....
pgsty247: momma said never look into its eyes or fangs
its_a_conspiracy42 : but it was just....so....hypnotizing.....
pgsty247: but who coulda told that it would attack you know*sniff*
its_a_conspiracy42 : so then it....it....*bursts into tears and cannot go on*
pgsty247: *his mother steps in* he was lieing on the floor with 2 or 3 on his chest
pgsty247: they were eating his jamified inards
its_a_conspiracy42 : it was horrible! i cannot describe the horror i felt as a mother watching that scene!! i took a spatula and tried hitting them away....
pgsty247: but i didn't see the 4th one closing in om me
its_a_conspiracy42 : not until i felt its fangs sink into the back of my neck....
pgsty247: then i was being jammed and with the last of my energy i flung it to the ground with my spatula
its_a_conspiracy42 : i started stomping on it, crushing it into little crumbs!
pgsty247: with that one incompasitated (?) i was left with the decision to help or find help for my son here
its_a_conspiracy42 : so i started performing JPR (jam pulminary ressucitation), hoping that it was not too late to save my little bobby
pgsty247: they kept on attacking me while i was doing the jpr and and then they just left like there was nothin to us
its_a_conspiracy42 : i think the one i crushed was their leader, because they all begin gathering around his crushed remains....
pgsty247: they must have seen our neighbor's baby thru the window because they went there next"
its_a_conspiracy42 : i could hear screams and sounds of a fight....
pgsty247: *leaves her to comfort son* you can see*narrator* they in hoards can attack more then one human and in the smaller humans take arms or as with bobby legs as a bounty
its_a_conspiracy42 : *close up on bobby's wheelchair and leg stumps*
pgsty247: i cant
its_a_conspiracy42 : what?
pgsty247: view yer webcam
its_a_conspiracy42 's status is now "BEWARE THE EVIL POP TARTS OF DEATH!!!". (3/16/2005 5:02 PM)

its_a_conspiracy42 : oh why not?
pgsty247: ok can now
its_a_conspiracy42 : ok good
its_a_conspiracy42 : anywho...back to the show....
pgsty247: yes yes
its_a_conspiracy42 : *close up on bobby's wheelchair and leg stumps*
pgsty247: this is what happens when evil poptarts attack
its_a_conspiracy42 : we hope that you will now be more careful when making breakfast...
pgsty247: after the break we have exclusive interviews with more ones who did not *commercial break*
its_a_conspiracy42 : ar eyou losing your hair?
pgsty247: cause that may be the first signs of ape pattern baldness
its_a_conspiracy42 : you need.....HAIR-COME-BACK the latest in hair replacement technology....simply apply the suction cup to your balding area like so....
pgsty247: and away we go back to full luxuarious locks of hair
pgsty247: pick a color we even have puce
its_a_conspiracy42 : *close up of a guy riding on a horse with the wind blowing through curly slightly-too-long hair*
pgsty247: thats right you 2 can have thick puce locks like freddy here
its_a_conspiracy42 : *freddy: and the ladies love it!*
pgsty247: call 1800 yeah right
pgsty247: for a free sample of the hair
its_a_conspiracy42 : if you dont like it you are under no obligation to buy. HAIR-COME-BACK is not reponsible for any injuries caused by the hair restoration treatment.
pgsty247: that number again is 1800 yeah right or
pgsty247: 1800932474448
its_a_conspiracy42 : *freddy smiles and gives thumbs up*
pgsty247: sorry i got to go we will finish it later promise
its_a_conspiracy42 : ok! i shall ttyl!
pgsty247: i will copy and paste it to notebook
>>Jessica** was an ordinary teenage girl on a camping trip with her family. Their tent was set up in an isolated spot in the middle of a national park somewhere in Maine.
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>>It was late one night just as she and her family were getting ready to go to bed.
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>>"I have to go to the bathroom" Jessica told her parents.
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>>"I'll take you" said her father.
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>>"No!" she prtested, "I'm old enough to go by myself!"
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>>"I dont know....." her father said unsure.
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>>"Pleeasssee Daddy?" she said.
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>>"Oh ok" he agreed but be careful."
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>>She grabbed a flashlight and started down the long path to where the bathrooms were.
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>>It was dark and not a nother soul was in sight, there was only the dark trees and the spooky wind.
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>>She walked quickly down the path with the strange sensation that she was being watced.
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>>Scared, she looked all around her with her heart beating fast Stop being silly she told herself, theres noone following you!
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>>In relief she at last saw the bathrooms, lit by a single dying light bulb....
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>>She hurried inside and closed the door quickly behind her feeling a bit safer.
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>>By the time she finished she had convinced herself there was no danger but she still wanted to hurry back to her camp site.
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>>Back on the trail she walked quickly though the prickling sensation of someone watching her grew stronger and stronger.
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>>Suddenly she heard footsteps behind her and heavy breathing, approaching fast!!!!!
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>>She screamed and starting running fast until suddenly a dark shape emerged from the trees in front of her.
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>>She shone the flash light on it but before she could see who or what it was something slammed into her from behind, causing her to fall over and drop the flash light which caused it to crack and the bulb to go out.
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>>All she had seen was a pasty white rectangular form and a single shining fang.
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>>Screaming at the top of her lungs she tried to fight the things off but they were too strong for her and she felt a fang sink into her neck and a horrible burning.
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>>Hearing her screams her family rushed to her rescue but it was too late....
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>>When they arrived all that was left of their daughter was a cherry pop-tart lying where she had fallen.
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>>***THIS MESSAGE IS IN HONOR OF THE MEMORY OF JESSICA**, WHO DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH TRANSFORMED INTO A POP-TART BY HORRIBLE POP-TART VAMPIRES!!!!! THESE EVIL CREATURES STALK THEIR PREY LATE AT NIGHT IN THE FOREST IN GROUPS, OFTEN SINGLING OUT A SINGLE PERSON...USUALLY A CHILD OR TEENAGER...TO HUNT DOWN AND KILL!!!!! ONCE THEY HAVE CORNERED THEIR VICTIM THEY BITE THEM, WHICH RELEASES A TOXIN INTO THEIR SYSTEM WHICH CAUSES THEM TO TURN INTO A POP-TART!!!!!! THEY THEN CARRY THEIR POP-TARTIZED VICTIM BACK TO THEIR LAIR WHERE THEY FEED OFF OF THEM!!!!! THE ONLY REASON WHY JESSICA** WAS NOT CARRIED OFF WAS BECAUSE HER FAMILY ARRIVED IN TIME TO SCARE OFF THE VICIOUS BUT COWARDLY BEASTS, BUT ALAS NOT SOON ENOUGH TO SAVE JESSICA** FROM HER HORRIBLE FATE!!!!!
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>>PLEASE DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO SOME ONE YOU KNOW AND LOVE, FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN IN ORDER TO STOP THE REIGN OF TERROR THESE CREATURES HAVE OVER OUR CAMPGROUNDS!!!!!! DON'T LET ANOTHER INNOCENT VICTIM BE TAKEN!!!!
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>>**Names have been changed to protect the family