Bumble Bees

Many times in my life

I have wished to die

throw it all way

kick the milking stool

swallow the bumble bees

Always out of teenage anguish

a feeling of inadequacy

lacking the unknown

desperately filling spaces

I am past the hatred

the doubt and hesitance

excavation and hollowness

internal letdowns

But then I was forced to grieve

get lost in this foreign country

of sorrowful nostalgia

not knowing the native language

of this mourning

And I was once again

desperately filling spaces

with your funeral flowers

visitation pamphlets

obituary columns