Overgrown

How on earth,

is it a family,
when the,
dreams and aspirations,
of your cubs,
turn you into,
a grizzly bear,
with age-stained teeth,
voracious overgrown claws,
and fur too thick,
to notice your little ones,
shaking and trembling,
behind a tree stump,
hiding away from,
your furious growl,
and rejecting arms?

 

 

Reviews

[Brenden Taylor]

Even though it's not by a method I particularly favor, you present an image that captures a harsh reality, so kudos on that.

On the other hand, it's awfully short - maybe to its detriment. So much room for resolution, but not one iota of hope.

Also, ending lines with articles and prepositions (as in lines 3, 6, and 14) makes it hard for readers to get on your level.

70. Like I said, good images, but needs hope.

[Emmy J.M. Powell]

Thank you for your criticism, I'll keep all of that in mind for future writing!