If You Had Cancer

Even if I wonder,
if anything,
could be worse,
than losing you,
I know,
that I’m wrong,
because you did,
not go quickly,
and watching,
your skin get paler,
and your walking,
getting harder,
and your hands,
becoming clumsier,
made me realize,
that instead of,
always wishing,
for you to get better,
I should have,
selfishly wished,
for you to die,
because watching,
you suffer through,
all of your pain,
and collapsing health,
made me feel,
like the cancer,
was choking me.