Supercut

Looking back, we were broken from the start.

Your hand, I kept it warm in my pocket

My heart, told you it’s fragile

And yet you dropped it.

Million times 

Even million more second chances

Thought it was love, so I f*****g chanced it

Looked past your crimes, your lies;

Your ignorant cold eyes;

Your jealousy; your hate

I realized too late

You’re possessive, you’re weak

And I don’t owe you anything

I got my own back so I’m gonna 

Move on

I’ve had it with your games

I’m finally moving on

I’m done making mistakes

I’ve moved on

You keep your pride;

And I’ll gladly take the blame

Because in the end of the day

I know that not so long ago we both felt the same

Author's Note

I was looking through my old notebooks and found "Thought it was love, so I fucking chanced it" scribbled in a hurry. So of course I spent the rest of my afternoon after work turning it into a song (and a very catchy one I might add, I'm still humming the melody). Hopefully one day, you will be able to hear someone sing it.

Reviews

[Nix is typing...]

WOAHHHHHHHH MARIJA!!!!!!! Once again, AMAZING SONG. I was just sitting here, shoving cheerios in my mouth while looking at read requests, and saw yours, it was the first one I clicked on because I know you always write great songs. I fell in love with this one, too!! 100/100!!!!

[spacelava]

Oh Nix you're so so sweet! As always! Thank you! 🥺♥

[Nix is typing...]

You're so welcome, Marija!! I can't wait to see you come out with more songs!! Oh, and when you do, I might miss it, so send me a read request!!

[barleygirl]

Your poem is well-expressed in powerful terms, but it sounds like the millions of heartbreak poems written by the lovelorn. The problem I have -- describing everything in generalities. "Second chances" . . . "crimes" . . . "lies" . . . "jealousy" . . . "hate" . . . "possessive" . . . "weak" -- these are all bland terms way over-used in love & heartbreak poetry. If you want your poem to stand out from the millions, you need to be more detailed. Generalities sound like a rant, but specifics tell a story.

Convince me with details. Show me one example, fully illustrated with sensory details, which makes the reader FEEL all this (lies, jealousy, hate, possessive, weak) . . . immerse me in your experience. Demonstrate concepts with imagery & irony & symbolism -- instead of mundane bitching about everyday bullshit that happens in every tweaked relationship. Show me a raven pecking your ear with empty flippant caws, rather than saying "he lies". Show me the moon covering up the sun in an eclipse instead of saying "he's jealous".

I know you can do this much better becuz the power is already there in your words & you have a distinct point of view to convey (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[spacelava]

Thank you for your criticism I really appreciate it. I'm not a poet, I don't strive to be because I always felt my strong suits come out better in prose, hence why I primarily write novels. This is not a poem, rather a song I wrote and later tweaked and added words that made it sound slightly more 'poetic'. Once again, thank you for your feedback.

[Paul Bell]

I suppose when two broken people get together the mistrust is already embedded.
Moving on is the only way ahead. Makes for good reading though, and a mournful song outcome.

[spacelava]

I agree. And thank you, I'm glad you liked it :3

[Just Kim]

WOW!! This is so powerful and so emotional, nicely expressed

[spacelava]

Thank you dear!

[Kari Rakitan]

This brings back memories of my ex-boyfriend. After we broke up, he kept telling his friends that we were still together for over a year for the sake of his pride. He said I went to live with my parents to "figure some stuff out" as if I was the one with a problem. I had to tell him I wasn't comfortable with that, and that was the last time I spoke with him. The truth of the matter is that he had (probably still has) a meth addiction he hid from me and most of his friends for a long time.

[spacelava]

That sounds rough. Glad you're no longer in that situation. I would really appreciate you telling me what you think of my work? Thanks.

[Curtis.Lenker]

Great work here. Love it.

[spacelava]

Thank you!

[whatrachelwrites]

I am so in awe of your work. you are extremely talented and I can't wait to read more.

[spacelava]

Thank you very much! 🥺♥