Rainbows in Black

Single shaded spectrum.

Rainbows in Black

Light turns to dark, dark turns to light

You say "good morning" in the middle of the night

Alone in a crowd, I stop and stare

All my heart longs for is what isn't there

Actions are broken, words fill the space

Waiting on time, will this pain it erase?

All the dreams that were spoken, all the plans that were made

My heart wants to chase but my mind is afraid

I hope the silence breaks

And the faint ache fades

Because the rainbows turned black,

I don't see the shades.

Author's Note

One of my few attempts at rhyming.

Reviews

[Frieda P]

Wow your attempt was extremely successful, great flow right to the bitter end. Nice one, but I don't think it's still a rainbow if it's black, more like a nuclear explosion, just saying. ;-)

[Spacecadet]

The surprisingly good response makes me want to rhyme some more!
Haha, I like that metaphor. Definitely stimulates some great imagery ;)

[Frieda P]

I prefer non-rhyming myself, always feel forced when I attempt it...but when the rhyme scheme works such as this, it's a great read.

[Spacecadet]

It's true, free verse sets my mind free. Rhyming feels a little restrictive but it seemed to have worked here, so well! :)

[Traci]

The rhyming seemed very effortless and was very well written. Bittersweet emotions I connected with, especially your last stanza. Love the metaphors. Great job, SC

[Spacecadet]

Thanks so very much! Always happy to write things people connect to. I've also read the information space on your profile and we seem to have a lot in common :)

[Blue]

I noticed easy and effortless rhyming that makes me think you must be kidding when you said this is one of your few attempts at such form. It's a very good attempt, then. I can say that you sound like a natural rhymer. Nicely done, Spacecadet, though I think you might want to revise the line "Waiting on time, will this pain it erase?" It sounds grammatically wrong to me.

[Spacecadet]

That's so kind Blue! I previously wrote only rhyme poems but this was quite a few years ago when I'd just started. I then discovered the beauty of free verse and stopped rhyming ever since, but it felt like this one needed it. Also, about that particular line, what do you suggest? I can't think of how i could place the words in that sentence differently to make it sound better.

[Blue]

It's rather tricky because it may change the intended meaning of the original. I'll let you know when I can think of a good one. Thanks for considering my suggestion.

[Spacecadet]

You do that, please! :)

[Trace]

You did just fine with your rhymes.
Interesting thoughts about a black and white rainbow.
sort of like an old (really old) T.V.

Trace

[Spacecadet]

Thanks Trace :) Black and white also defines our choices and decisions in life. That's really what I tried to touch upon through this write..

[SonOfPlunder]

`Beautiful, really nicely done

[Vidya Bacchus]

I really like this.Your rhymes are very good.I have trouble writing rhyming poems .Very nice poem my friend:)

[Spacecadet]

I do too, usually. This is one of my rhyming poems that doesn't sound half bad.. Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Very cool poem, very creative metaphorically, it is hard when it comes to heartache to bring up new ways of saying it, but you did it. Nicely done.

[Spacecadet]

Thank you, that's great to hear. I always fear becoming repetitive! I wish there were other types of writing I could venture out into, but I can't seem to find the groove.