As you're fast asleep,
I'm wide awake in this arctic chill
That's invaded my heart.
The sound of the ocean
Calms my aching heartbeat
And as the waves kiss the shore
They sweep away the footprints
We left scattered on the sand
All those tears ago.
This was nice. I found a lot of parallels and metaphor in this piece. What I took from this is that time heals, but it's not easy. Loved it and can relate. Will be back for more.
I loved this piece but this piece could be more cool reading if you'd gripped some more rhyme. Yeah, I know here in this piece, you've tried to hold a rhyme and you did a great job here, So, here's a rhythmic version of your this poem ...
"As you're fast asleep, I'm wide awake in this arctic chill,
The sounds of my aching heartbeat, Waves kiss my angelic imprints,
We left some scattered on the sand years ago ...
Which's still making my beautiful blue eyes, "Wink...Blink!"
That's a poem, I've made with a rhyme and yup, i've gifted you as well. I hope you love this poem. Am not here to show off anything, me too here to learn from others and i've read your profile where I found you too want criticisms as I do want. So, i'd love if we both read each others stuffs and put our personal thoughts on a review box, cause it'd help us allot improving our skills.
Thanks for reading. I really love your poem the way I loved mine.
Keep up the great work!
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
It's a prose poem and so there is no rhyme scheme. It isn't meant to rhyme, the flow is such that th.. read moreIt's a prose poem and so there is no rhyme scheme. It isn't meant to rhyme, the flow is such that the imagery and depth of emotions find a blend.
Thanks for reading :)
10 Years Ago
I like your poem the way it is. I totally can relate to it for I am a Lucid dreamer myself. And this.. read moreI like your poem the way it is. I totally can relate to it for I am a Lucid dreamer myself. And this was well written with just a few lines it already has taken me away well written!
Very interesting, I see the waves sweeping away the footprints as the person finding the strength to move on after a heartbreak… a short poem with powerful imagery
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
I'm sorry for the late response. Thank you for reading and your perception is spot on :) Glad you li.. read moreI'm sorry for the late response. Thank you for reading and your perception is spot on :) Glad you like it!
I'm a student, moody writer and keen discoverer of soulful writing. Everything I write is right from my heart. Being a hopeless romantic, my favorite genre to read and write is romance. Heartbreak mak.. more..