Inhale. Pause. Exhale.

Sometimes, all you can do is breathe and let it go.

Her body lies limp on the flat surface

She inhales as a stream of tears

Flow from her eyes

Dripping down to her white gown

Catching her breath,

She keeps it in for a while

Compressing all the pain in her chest

Hoping that it'll all be released once she exhales

No such luck was found, though

Because with each breath

Came a gush of old memories

And a flood of new tears

Author's Note

This isn't one of my better pieces and I'd love to know how you think I can improve it!

Reviews

[Vidya Bacchus]

Oh wow this is so sad .I don't think you can improve it.It is perfect the way it is :)

[Spacecadet]

Thank you, Vidya. I'm happy you like it! :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome :)

[Sarah]

i dont think there is any reason to improve it. it is simple but expresses so much emotion. wonderful work.

[Scott Metro]

Very nice...well expressed and familiar in content to many of us.
Well done.

Scott

[ron]

You have written feelings of emotional pain so well. I know how pain can hurt and not give us any relief. Very well written I would not change a thing about this poem.

[Spacecadet]

Thank you Ron, I'm glad it could reach out to you. Thanks for stopping by :)

[ron]

You are most welcome Spacecadet :)

[Roger Turgeon]

They say that the pause in our breathing is our only real glimpse of eternity. And yet we must take in vulnerability with our next breath. Always nice to meet another romantic.

[Spacecadet]

That's a beautiful thought! And likewise :) Thanks for stopping by!

[stars are far]

this is good..well expressed

[Spacecadet]

Thank you! :)

[stars are far]

my pleasure :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I don't know. The poem create vision of a beauty trying to understand and I like the use of "Inhale. Pause. Exhale." Gave strength and purpose to the poem. You said enough to give reason and purpose to the poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Spacecadet]

I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for taking the time to read and review all my work! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are a good writer. It was my pleasure.

[Frieda P]

I relate to this feeling, holding your breath waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't think it needs to be improved upon, perhaps I'd get rid of 'at' in that second stanza, last line, wee thing, but I think it'd flow better. Good read Spacecadet.

[Spacecadet]

Got it, thanks for the suggestion Frieda! And thank you, I'm happy I can write things that someone can relate to :)

[Frieda P]

That's the great thing about poetry, someone out there can always relate to our words, my pleasure Spacecadet, ha...how did you come up with that name, no, don't tell me, I don't really wanna know ;-)

[Spacecadet]

Haha, it does seem more inadequate with every piece I write, doesn't it?
But I'll keep it anyway to hold on to the part of me that once fit the name perfectly ;)

[Frieda P]

I understand ;-)

[Giggling Star]

Don't know why you think this needs improving ... it's clear, simple, the anguish apparent. If that's what you were going for, you did a fine job!

[Spacecadet]

That is what I was aiming at, just thought the flow/structure could have been better! Makes me happy to know that you think its good though, so thank you! :D