Dreaming with open eyes

This is inspired by more contemporary styles of writing and is my comeback piece after a very long break.

                                       Dreaming with open eyes

It was the way your gaze never left mine when we were together

And how our hands just seemed to be the perfect fit

It was knowing that our hearts danced at the same pace when our lips touched

And how your hands knew where to be when mine tangled in your hair

It was the way your eyes spoke to me when you read my mind as your mouth formed a crooked smile

And how every thought flew out of my head when it rested on your shoulder all those evenings we watched the sun set

It was your light shining in the dark corners of my broken soul

And the way the puzzle seemed complete while I lay on the couch and listened to your heartbeat

It was the hope that you created inside of me, of things I never believed in

And it was the reason my heart didn't sink when you waved goodbye before you turned to leave, the last time our eyes met

But this is now and the light is dimming as I return to the darkness.

Author's Note

This is different from my usual style which flows better. I wanted to try something raw and purely emotional.

Reviews

[Giggling Star]

It is raw and emotional. You did a good job there. "... our hearts danced at the same pace ..." a beautifully poetic description. Only suggestion ... the line "and the way the puzzled ..." did you actually mean to say "puzzle"? I like this very much. Nice job!

[Spacecadet]

Thanks for the review! Its my first one, I'm excited :)
And yes, that was meant to be "puzzle", thank you for pointing it out, I've fixed it :D
I'm glad you like it!

[Giggling Star]

So, I'm your first! You'll never forget the name Giggling Star ... because you never forget your first one :) ... most people call me giggles, for short.

[Spacecadet]

I bet I won't! ^_^

[paul sal.....]

A touching telling of a meeting of similar souls engaged in a loving waltz. One half of the dance is committed to another and can't stay but their hearts touched and will forever be a part of both; all is not lost, just open the curtain.......

[m.s.early]

Love and relationships come in waves. It's all a cycle in which we reside.

[Kai Rollins]

Well for one thing. You wrote very very well congratulations. I'm glad you joined :)
Now on to the piece!
"And it was the reason my heart didn't sink when you waved goodbye before you turned to leave..."
And really...that deserves a slow clap seriously. The feeling conveyed (definitely raw) tugs on any reader.
Great job.

[Spacecadet]

Thank you so very much, that was a really sweet review :) I'm glad I joined too, it means a lot to know that my words reach out to people and that they're appreciated :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the honest feel and directness of the poem. Sometime writing the emotion of a story without losing the thoughts. Leave the writer wanting more. The poem ending is true. When the heart find sadness again. Th darkness will overtake. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Bianca]

Forgive me for being a bit slow but how is it that she felt hope but then at the end it just "dims" I mean I'm kind of confused as to why that could happen if she wasn't disappointed since she said her heart didn't sink. Unless that means that the less time she spent with him the more her hope faded or something like that. :/ Or is it that she woke up?… um…

[Spacecadet]

The whole poem is written is retrospect, of how it was between them and how he made her feel. And her heart didn't sink when he turned to leave because of the hope he created inside of her, as the line above states. She still had hope for them at that very moment, but then the last line brings us to the present where she returns to the darkness because obviously they didn't get back and her hope was in vain.

[Spacecadet]

Hope that helps you understand it better! :)

[Bianca]

Oh that's beautiful! In that unfortunately sad kind of way…. you just opened the door to the light of for me cause now I understand and it really just shines a rosy kind of light on this poem xD. Thank you for explaining! :D

[Spacecadet]

Thanks so much and you're very welcome! Glad I could help :D

[Michelle N. H.]

I admire raw pieces of poetry because they usually provide something unexpected, the words often times feel more authentic and the flow in each case is unique. I love the transition of this poem, how all was and came to be, from together to alone. I was moved :)

[Spacecadet]

I share the same views as you and it makes me happy that my poetry could move someone! Thanks for the review :)

[annabellee]

I really liked it a lot. It is definitley very emotional and very touching, especially the last line.
Well done :)

[Spacecadet]

Thank you, that means a lot :) This write is extra special to me, I'm glad you like it!

[annabellee]

You're most welcome :)

[Frieda P]

Was afraid it was going to plummet at the end, too good to be true, it's those simple things that stay with us and remind us of how love made us feel in those moments, you captured that feeling here. Well pen'd.

[Spacecadet]

Thank you, that means a lot :) I'm glad the end wasn't too disappointing, the line before the last was a special incident that i tried to twist into words and bring to life through this poem.

[Frieda P]

I'm never disappointed if poetry makes me feel something, you did great, enjoyed. ;-)