JUST UNDER THE SKIN

                          JUST UNDER MY SKIN

 You have entered my flesh ......       

i can feel Your blood run through my veins   

          Just under my skin.

     

Your heart beats as mine....

        just under my skin.

Your breath blows softly on my neck

        just  under my skin.

My body awakens as you crawl

         just under my skin.

Lust begs for more as you enter

        just under my skin.

I once thought this love...this..

       just under my skin

This  flesh eating bacteria

        just under my skin.

You needed mine..my flesh, my soul

For you are nothing

       just under your skin.

Your veins do not flow with blood

       just under your skin.

A heart does not beat

      just under your skin.

Vampires do live.... 

Just under our skin

      

Reviews

[...]

. oh gosh ... what an incredibly powerful and poignant piece of writing this is ... my heart is racing after reading your words ... this seems like a story ... in which there was a vampire and a girl ... and for the longest time ... the girl didn't see through the vampire's intentions ... oh, how painful must it be to wake up to this realization ... how unbearable ... how saddening and devastating ... if i was the girl, i would just be stilled into silence ... and wonder interminably about why this happened ... i would shed tears ... and then ... i would have to go deep within my soul to forgive myself for being deceived ... and think of all those people who have also been deceived ... brilliant writing ... reached my heart instantly ...

[MachinaWriter]

Chilling. The last line was powerful, wrapping up the repetition and the pieces of the poem nicely. "You are nothing / just under your skin." that line really shook me. Evocative language, expressing deep-seated emotions and thoughts. We feed of each other, I believe. Requiring the passion, the blood, the flesh, the soul of those around us to feel whole ourselves. And there are those that live even colder lives, stealing from us what they lack. "Vampires do live... / Just under our skin."

[Southern Cross]

I was mad that day LOL so I express it in my poetry.

[MachinaWriter]

That's good. Its a healthy way of letting it out lol Oh, on a random note, I just did a new poem. lol

[Michael G.]

The kiss of the vampire and the results are well defined here.
Bela Lagusi would have been proud.

[Clockwork]

I was surprised by the turn this piece took. At first it seemed that the poem was trending in a direction of passionate love, then I saw the line about the bacteria. You show us how love takes a turn and becomes something toxic and predatory, which you punctuate with the reference to the vampire.

I think the refrain of "just under your skin" is affective when one considers how the poem sifts. That lines has a whole new meaning by the end of the poem. However, I think that you may what to consider taking a few of those lines out to preserve the meaning. Another refrain could be in order as a result or some more description about how the relationship.

[Blindfolded]

You start us down a path that is building with passion. It feels warm and caring and suddenly...you take us to where your heart really is. To a place where you know now that the bacteria was always feeding off of you and destroying you. That there was nothing but evil under the skin. There is no love or compassion or sincerity in that beast. Your vampire has left you finally to feed upon others.