Don't judge my title

My mind is exhausted... bruised & bloody. I've been battered all day with thoughts of you. There's no reprieve, no peace, no quieting of my thoughts & silently my mind screams. I thought I could find solace in sleep, but my dreams laughed maniacally as they presented you as the opener. I am tired. I've just given into the bullying. Maybe if I just lay here, maybe if I don't fight it, maybe if I let these thoughts have their way with me they'll be satisfied & leave. Maybe. I laughed today... it was forced but I thought maybe it would combat some of the pain. God said not so... So I asked God why? I'm still waiting on God's reply. Silence is always the hardest answer to accept. You were right. There's no winner here... I lost the only man that opened my heart on the way to opening my mind and she gained a man that's a cheater & will always think of me in the silence of their tender moments. I can simply pray that I'll become lost in the man that loves me more than himself... so lost that I'll stop looking for you...pray that when I look into our son's eyes I won't wish he was yours. You know the thought that burns the most? The thought that travels down my spine & drops like rocks in the pit of my stomach? That I was too late.... that I was too stubborn, that I stayed away for too long. The thought strangles me. Then I'm ashamed I'm blaming myself like the typical silly girl... I have to remind the queen in me that you were always toxic, that your love always hurt. Your love always had the ability to paint pain so beautifully that I ignored the sting. You're the sweetest monster.

Reviews

[yourstruly]

your soul transcribed indeed. There's so much of powerful emotions in your writing as you described the typical cons of being the person that sees the good in someone at the end of the day. Having to remind yourself of the monster and discovering self pride. I relate to this so much.
Thank you for sharing this story and great work too!

[Chekochan]

Wowww 😭 Sweetest monster. I felt that one