Heart Broken

I broke up with my boyfriend recently and this poem explains how I feel! I wrote it because I thought it was best to put my emotions on paper !

 You held me by the hand 

and caressed my skin

You touched me so tenderly 

I knew we shouldn't sin

You demonstrated your binding love for me 

But I treasured to be free

I watched you walk away

Disgusted by my betrayal

I saw the hate in your eyes

as you said my name 

I crumbled to the floor 

as you denied your love for me

I relished your touch

I desired your love 

I required your embrace

I missed your grace

In the flames of your hate 

I perish in disgrace

I will suffer in vain 

Until we meet again  

Author's Note

I hope you enjoy it :)

Reviews

[Imara]

"But I treasured to be free..." I would replace the word treasured with desired because it fits better. Or get rid of the "to be" afterward. Treasured means to cherish (that's how your using it) and desired means to want and I think that's what you're trying to say. So I think it will work better.
"I will suffer in vain " Why do you consider this suffering to be in vain.
I really like this, anther great way to look at love. Conveys so much strong emotions about the break up. We hear all the time about the "Breakeup-ee" and how hurt they are but it is rare to see how the "breakuper" feels. I love the pain that you convey, how you wanted freedom but you really did care for him. I really like that in the end there is that sense of regret. I love it but I would suggest expanding a little bit on your want for freedom and what brought up the eventual choice to leave. It could be a really quick stanza or whatever you want. I love this great job :)

[Aria K.]

Thank you for reading ! I am glad you liked it !! But the reason I used the word treasured was to show how important it was to me the feeling of being free !! How delicate my freedom was but how hard it was to get

[Imara]

Hm, I understand the feeling you are trying to express but I think there is some better way to phrase that where you can still use the word treasured if you like that word so much. However, you know best. It's you're poem :)

[theartistichands]

After betraying him, don't expect him to return and I will feel sorry for the next guy, lol. I did enjoy the poem.

[Pleasure_Believe in you..]

Nice piece of writing..... its superb

[Aria K.]

Thank you very much !

[Steve]

Well done.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

I enjoyed it but I think the rhyming seems forced... a bit too close together, if you know what I mean. I hope this was more of a writing exercise than a vent because then I might have trounced upon your tender spots and that was not my intention.

[Aria K.]

No this wasn't a writing exercise ! The rhyme just came naturally to me :) I am glad you enjoyed it

[Rahul]

It's a nice but to me it's filled with pain and pain and pain but love's seeming a bit in this piece in these some lines
You held me by the hand and caressed my skin
You touched me so tenderly I knew we shouldn't sin

nicely done and i really feel your this nice and beautiful and amazing write. If love build a heart then love can break a heart too. I love your theme of writing.

[Aria K.]

Thank you for your review ! But the reason it is filled with pain is because that is what I was feeling at the time and that is what I am still feeling !! When you feel something it is hard not to show it :) but thanks again for reading it :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Sorrow filled words to designate and delineate a new beginning of sorts. I understand how you feel, and the way that you brought your emotions to life was quite beautiful. So many of us poets want the love that we write about (dream about on paper), and sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. The good thing...ending usually bring on new beginnings. So, write on, my friend. Well done!

[Aria K.]

Thank you for your positive review :)

[Shivam Murari]

Enjoyed, yes I did. It is a good write. Nice flow, nice rhyme and you have done all the devices decently. Theme is clear. You have said the story is less words and that effectively. The poet wanted love but anything more than heart-to-heart connection was a bit of a sin, the mentality caused the heartbreak. Nice read. It's a good mix of old and modern mentality and the dilemmas and conflicts related to it.

[Aria K.]

I am really pleased you enjoyed it ! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing Shivam!

[Shivam Murari]

O:-)