The bee and the fox

I a drop, you a stream

both possessed by an ocean's dream

My way to fall

yours to crawl

back to origin's call

You a bee I a fox

you were deceived by my curly locks

Your way to thrive

mine to survive

nature intended you to return to the hive

Reviews

[Patricia Wedel]

Busy Bees ... the Royal Jelly... Crazy as a Fox will alway be....
gently, Pat

[Soren]

Thank you so much Pat for the read and comment it means a great deal

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

i felt really sorry for the fox. it hunts alone while the bee has a whole colony to turn to. the lines: 'I a drop, you a stream / both possessed by an ocean's dream' is very deep. the persona recognises he has less than another, at the same time knowing that neither of them have enough. we keep wanting and longing, never satisfied, desiring machines.
the rhyme and metre AABBB was unique and it worked really well. i dont think i have ever seen this format before, but it gave the narrative an unexpected but clever structure. if anything, you could write a longer piece that follows this form (or i might try it, if you let me steal).

[Soren]

Ern my friend their is no stealing only borrowing so feel free. Your understanding of the meaning is incredible and goes to great depths. I am so grateful for your reads and comments they brighten the day

[Marie]

You get your message across so poetically, always! Love the story of the bee and the fox and the wonderful conversation they had. Fox is very wise and I adore how he tells the bee:
"Your way to thrive
mine to survive
nature intended you to return to the hive".
I love this beautifully penned write with a moral, dear Soran. So enjoyed reading and Thank You! for sharing. Really lovely poem...

[Soren]

Thank you so much Marie for your most gracious comment. As always, it is deeply appreciated and valued.

[Marie]

Most welcome always, Soren...

[Ken Simm.]

I love these exercises and I love this ditty.

[Soren]

Thank you so much Ken