Eclipse

The sadness I feel, I can not reveal, nor do I wish it known

Burning tears contain all my fears and melt me to the bone

Like molten steel, welding lips, to conceal words that would flow

The devil sneers, a demon jeers, but hell I already know

My head throbs, involuntary sobs, turn to uncontrollable spasms

My body's shaking, convulsions quaking, all in sorrow's chasms

Hope it robs, my gullet bobs, I fall into despair

My breath it's taking, my will it's breaking, no one will care

To gain relief, from unquenchable grief, I look to a new day

Night will clear, the last tear and chase misery away

The hour's thief makes life so brief, but love never dies

The sun will cheer and us steer, on to brighter skies

Author's Note

I just thought that I would try a different rhym scheme that was a little more challenging aab ccb aad ccd eef ggf eeh ggh iij kkj iil kkl

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

'Chasm' and 'spasm' being on equal footing in such a finely metered poem makes me green with envy, Soren, clever, clever you! The meter in 'Eclipse' really does example well. You have added a mood of contrast and mystery too, I wonder which - if intended, was meant to take priority? Many thanks for haring this poem -and all others :)

[Soren]

Thank you for taking your time to so thoroughly evaluate this poem. I deeply appreciate your kind and generous comments. Yes the end shifts it to the positive

[John the Baptist]

Very nice exhibition of internal rhyming here. The first part of the poem describes the speaker's struggles with anxiety and depression, but the last verse reveals his determination not to be dominated by these negatives. The conviction "love never dies" leaves us with the feeling he will overcome.

[Soren]

Thank you so much John for the insightful review and most kind comments. They are most deeply appreciated.

[Chris Shaw]

Oh yes eclipse. Grief and sadness can certainly blot out the sunlight until it runs its course. It can come across in waves varying in strength. You have poemed here in rhyme stanzas which will be relatable to many. Your lines flowed well Soren. A great read.

Chris

[Soren]

Thank you so much Chris for your always welcome review and most kind words.

[AYVID N]

Emotions of grief and sadness are such a universal human experience. The one who is born must suffer sorrow and pain. You expressed this truth in such beautifully rhymed and metered verses. As you so beautifully state in the poem, the night, the sorrow clears and the sun brings on cheer and that is just the nature of life. It flows on and nothing is static and permanent, neither sorrow or joy. Thank you for this wonderful poem and the deeply felt emotions, dear Soren.

[Soren]

Thank you so much Divya for the review and insightful kind words.

[AYVID N]

You are most welcome, dear Soren.

[willweb]

Nice form here, I like the dual rhyming that carries each lines rhythmically into the next. I also like how the poem went from dark to light, from despair to hope. Really cool my friend. A nice uplifting piece of work.

[Soren]

Thanks so much Will just thought that I would try a new twist. So glad that you enjoyed it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you do the rhyme well...I love the play on words in the fourth line...
Night will clear, especially if it produces poetry like this...
Love never dies as you say, and poetry never dies, but often keeps us from dying.
Usually rhyme distracts me from theme...didn't happen here...I felt the content from beginning to end.'
j.

[Soren]

I so much agree Jacob poetry does give a purpose and helps us keep going on. Thank you so much for the review and most generous words.