I can't Lie

I can't lie,
I miss your love
I miss your smiles, I miss your touch
and I wonder if we'll ever meant to be
Like the stars were meant to shine
and the fishes belong in the the sea
Sometimes I wonder if one day you will belong to me.

I can't lie,
 you still own my heart
you still have the key
you took off and left me crying
but you forgot one thing
and it was to give my heart back to me.

I can't Lie,
Now i have a whole in my chest
wishing I was dreaming
cause now in breathless and I can't breath
and all because I don't have you with me

I can't lie,
 I want you with me
I need the softness of your mouth caressing my lips
I can't lie, I need you right here next to me
you are like the agony in all my sleeps.

I can't lie,
without you I wouldn't even dare to breathe
so baby come to me
I need you to keep me being happy as I used to be <3

Author's Note

Feedback?

Reviews

[Emily]

this is cute and sweet, a few grammatical bits in the first stanza, read it out loud and you will see what i'm talking about.
3rd stanza, whole is as a complete unit, hole is the noun as in a divet or dug out patch. also "cause now in breathless" i'm thinking, "Cause now I'm breathless"
little other grammatical issues but not too bad.

This is a very sweet piece. I enjoyed reading it. It is scary sometimes to feel this way about someone, because they are just that captivating to you, and you miss them just that much when they are gone.

[November_Rain]

wow, this is really awesome! good job

[Shalini Dinesh]

wow, i cant lie, i should admit that i liked this poem and enjoyed every single line while reading it.... heartfelt poem!

[rockinmiley555]

i like this. it has so much truth in it, and the truth often times is hard to tell. this shows bravery, sadness, truth, love, and the need to be with someone so badly. my favorite stanza is the last one. if i were going to do constructional critisizm i would say that this poem should be a little longer. you obviously have more to say about the subject and the words just jump off the paige.

[Not A Writer]

Good job. Only problem I see is the word "whole" in stanzas three. It should be the word "hole." Anyways good write and emotion.

[Dutch Jr.]

Aside from the grammatical errors and typos mentioned, this is a really good piece. I could feel the pain you wrote into the poem, and I love the part where you say, "but you forgot one thing and it was to give my heart back to me." That's deep. Great work.

[MissWordSmith]

Great poem. So honest and something I could definitely relate to. (which is not a good thing :P)
anyway.. few silly mistakes..
"I can't lie,
I miss your love
I miss your smiles, I miss your touch
and I wonder if WE'LL ever meant to be"

It should be either .. "and I wonder if WE'RE ever meant to be"
or just ... "I wonder if we're meant to be"


Here..
"
I can't Lie,
Now i have a WHOLE in my chest"

Should be HOLE .

And. .

"cause now IN breathless and I can't breath"
should be I'M

"you are like the agony in all my sleeps."

the words ''sleeps'' isn't normally used as a plural, more in the continuous present tense.

Anyway, there's all the critical stuff..
Just silly typos.

The point is, this was a really great poem, one I would not have the guts to write myself, because that means admitting the fact! lol... I'm a sad character.. lolll...

Keep it up hun!

[GunMetal]

"cause now in breathless and I can't breath" Rain Kissed Secret already mentioned the "in - I'm" problem. But to me the line came off as redundant. If you're repeating the same feeling for emphasis, you should add punctuation or break the line, like
"cause now [I'm] breathless
I can't breath"
-or-
"cause now [I'm] breathless: I can't breath"
Rain Kissed Secret mentioned everything else.

Save for that, I really liked this. It was emotional and honest and filled with desire. Keep it up.

[Rain Kissed Secret]

"and I wonder if we'll ever meant to be" Seems kinda akward. You might need to change that.
"I can't Lie,
Now i have a whole in my chest
wishing I was dreaming
cause now in breathless and I can't breath" is "Lie" supposed to be capitalized? I honestly don't think so... but thats my opinion as a grammar perfectionist. just do me a favor and capitalize the 'I' in "Now i have a whole in my heart" and it should be hole not whole.. whole is full and its just a lot of a mistake. More like a paradox.. but hey! Thats okay. "cause now in breathless (...)" 'I'm' not 'in'.

I like this poem. It was sweet and it was complete truth. You can't lie to the one you love but the one you love can lie to you and goes away and its just... amazing. You did a great job. Thanks for sharing.
Rain

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is kind and filled with love. I like the set-up with 'I can't lie'. I could feel the emotion and desire for someone needed in a life. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Manda]

aww this was so sad but so good. there were a few typos but thats ok you can fix them easily. i really cried at this! i am going through the exact same thing! so i can relate! well done!