I can't Lie

I can't lie,
I miss your love
I miss your smiles, I miss your touch
and I wonder if we'll ever meant to be
Like the stars were meant to shine
and the fishes belong in the the sea
Sometimes I wonder if one day you will belong to me.

I can't lie,
 you still own my heart
you still have the key
you took off and left me crying
but you forgot one thing
and it was to give my heart back to me.

I can't Lie,
Now i have a whole in my chest
wishing I was dreaming
cause now in breathless and I can't breath
and all because I don't have you with me

I can't lie,
 I want you with me
I need the softness of your mouth caressing my lips
I can't lie, I need you right here next to me
you are like the agony in all my sleeps.

I can't lie,
without you I wouldn't even dare to breathe
so baby come to me
I need you to keep me being happy as I used to be <3

Author's Note

Feedback?

Reviews

[Emily]

this is cute and sweet, a few grammatical bits in the first stanza, read it out loud and you will see what i'm talking about.
3rd stanza, whole is as a complete unit, hole is the noun as in a divet or dug out patch. also "cause now in breathless" i'm thinking, "Cause now I'm breathless"
little other grammatical issues but not too bad.

This is a very sweet piece. I enjoyed reading it. It is scary sometimes to feel this way about someone, because they are just that captivating to you, and you miss them just that much when they are gone.

[Charles D. Moorer]

whole or hole?

[Camille Corbett]

THE ENDING WOMAN! What happened? This poem was halfway decent sans the errors and you go and sully it by breaking your tone, voice, and rhythm?

[Kenny L. Mitchell]

Sweet! I am currently living this one. But I will tell you this (philosophically speaking) that if you love them...let them go. If it's meant to be it will be. Now onto the style itself, I like the structure and what you're trying to convey. It's basically a love letter to being left behind. I like it and look forward to reading more from you!

[Voice11]

Just some grammar, in the first stanza it is "We're" not "we'll" . In the third stanza it is "I'm" not "in", and I do not hte the second "I can't lie in stanza four needs to be there. It sortof ruins the flow of the piece a bit. Allover great breathless piece. I love everyy bit of the raw emotion mixed well with creative talent. Great work!

[JenLyn]

It's not really a type of poem I like because there are so many poems are love and heartbreak out there when you write a poem or story about the subject of love you really have to own it, make it as unique as you can. Keep writing! :)

[DareToDream]

i really like this...the longing and heartbreak is very evident

[Alicia™]

I like this, but like RKS said, it needs plenty of work. It's sweet, and shows some amount of rawness, but there's still something lacking. Also, in the 3rd stanza, it's "hole" not "whole". Keep on working on it, and it'll be great! :)

[DarkLovingRaven]

This is so me right now. I have the same problem. I am so so so sorry for the pain this must cause you because i know how it hurts. This brought me to tears because it's so good, and painful,...and that doesn't happen often.

[Hippy]

and I wonder if we'll ever meant to be
i feel you meant if we were ever idk it works much better but over all its still goood