The Day I went to Heaven

The Day I went to Heaven
by Sofia Nunez
April 19, 2010

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night and felt as if you couldn't go back to sleep for nothing in the world? Well tonight was my night to go through that. There was nothing that made me go to sleep. I had so many thoughts in my mind. So many things happening were driving me crazy, even in my sleep. I wanted to look at the moon and wish for wishes to be real so mines could come true, all of the sudden I saw a light coming through my window. It was as bright as the sun, it was beautiful, amazing, it was something that somehow instead of scaring me it put a little joy in my heart. This was unusual for me because I was the type to get nervous for every single little thing, but not this time. I got up from bed and walked to the window. I tried to open it but it was too strong for me. I tried once again until I finally opened it. And there it was, the most gorgeous path I have ever seen in my life. There were flowers, with a lot of tulips, sunflowers, lavender and roses. There was a huge tree in the garden. It was as big as a tower. I walked towards the tree and touched it but somehow my hand went right through it as if the tree was a ghost. It was unbelievable. How come something so supernatural exist in real life? I wonder how did this happened, how did my ugly dark backyard turned into a paradise. There were butterflies all around. They were purple, green, pink, blue, all colors. Then I saw a girl very far from me sitting next to the big tree. I had a dread feeling because just seconds ago I was right next to the tree but now the tree seemed to be miles away from me. The girl seemed to be singing a song and holding something in her arms. The girl looked younger than me though, she seemed to be two or three years younger. She looked really sad from where I was. I decided to walked towards her but the tree kept getting farther and farther away from me. I decided to run to see if I could get there faster but I didn't, it just kept getting farther and farther. I stopped because somehow I felt a rush in my heart and a really big anxiety because the little girl seemed to be so alone over there. But I gave up, I turned around with my heart telling me to go back to my room but I couldn't do that and leave the little girl there.  So I decided to try walking towards her one more time. When I turned back around, the tree was like 3 steps away from me and the little girl was sitting not he other side of the tree. Everything was so beautiful but yet weird. It was as if I was seeing things in my imagination. I went to her side and sat next to her.
    "Hey, who are you? And why are you sitting here all alone?" I asked the little girl trying to sound sweet.
    "How do you like heaven so far?," The little girl asked me disregarding my question.
    " Aww sweety I'm not dead, so I could not possibly go to heaven. What's your name?" I said with a bit of amusement.

But she kept on ignoring my questions, instead she started singing again.
"When the waves are flooding the shore and I can't find my way home anymore"
    " We're in heaven so we're dead. That's why is so beautiful in here. So peaceful, without any harm, without any danger, just a beautiful peace, just a harmony playing in your ears while you wait for his presence to come." The little girl said, with such a sweetness in her voice. I couldn't believe her comment. The way she spoke was dreadful to me even though it was sweet. I was scared, how could I possibly be in heaven? Minutes ago I was laying on my bed thinking about everything that has been happening to me. Then out of the blue, I'm in heaven? God How could this be happening to me, how did I die?
    "Don't be scared, remember there's no danger here. No harm of any kind. You probably wondered how you die, I know how you die, I saw it all from your window right there." She said pointing to my window. " You were having trouble breathing. you were trying but you couldn't. You were trying to reach your pump but it was nowhere in sight. By the time you tried to get up,  you just lie there in your bed, already dead. That's how you got here." She said wiping the tears in my eyes. I burst in tears. I don't know how it happened because I don't recall ever having a breathing problem.  And now I was dead, in a place that I had not intentions on wanting to come so soon. And all I saw were my parents, crying for me.
    My mom stood next to my bed with the phone in her hand and daddy sat by me hugging me and crying exasperated. Minutes later, there were paramedic in my room taking me out. I was devastated, my parents were devastated. I was still in denial, but now I knew I was dead, completely dead and I was in heaven.
    "I turned my divine attention to the little girl. "So was your name?" I asked her.
    "Grace. My name is grace and I'm 12. I was killed by my stepfather but I don't like to talk about it because I already let go of it. You will like heaven. Is beautiful up here. And plus you never get old, everyday goes by and  you always look your same age." She said.
    "That's great I mean it must be awesome to not have to worry about getting all and wrinkly" I said letting out a small chuckle.
    I can't believe this happened, I mean I never thought that I would meet heaven, go to heaven and actually meet people and have friends in here. All of the sudden I saw a group of five girls walking and running and jumping around playing with the butterflies. The seemed so happy, stress free. I want to be happy like them, but why did I have to wait until death to be happy and in no type of danger. I guess that's what it takes. You know what I'm glad of? That I can still feel my family close to me and still feel they care and that they are always thinking of me. I'm not happy because I'm still young and still had a long life to live but I'm happy, I feel peaceful and I won't ever cry again. Because I'm in heaven.

Author's Note

This is my first short story. I need feedback guys. please, what do you think?
constructive criticism?

Reviews

[DareToDream]

I love the last line and how it seems to bring everything together, very nice. the description in the beginning was incredible, I could picture it perfectly as if I was there. the ending seemed a bit abrupt, like I think she accpeted her fate in Heaven a little fast, considering she was wawtching her parents cry over her dead body, yanno? but other than that its amazing, honestly, I kinda dont believe this is ur first short story, cuz its really good! keep writing more short stories!

[Voice11]

The picture is perfect for this piece. So the only thing holding this piece back from being Awesome is grammar. you should re read the story to check it and correct it. Other than that, it is absolutely gorgeous!

[NENA^]

i lovee thus short story....keep it goinq

I think the entire concept was beautiful, but the layout and vocabulary was like reading an essay for a middle school english class. I don't intend that to be harsh, I'm just advicing that you go through it and possibly change some things. Such as taking out words 'like' when they are unneccessary. Other than that, it was a beautiful first story. The idea that Heaven is a perfect place of harmony and joy is uplifting to anyone.

[Coyote Poetry]

The story was very good. A lesson in your words. We can create a bad place or a heaven in a life. Everyone had options and can chose their life road. I like the complete story. I like the ending. Thank you.
Coyote

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

this is a magnificent story, i love it, its so beautiful

[ashley]

This is very good. I agree, the dialogue needs a bit of work, but otherwise, great story! :D

[Aria]

wow. good.^^ i like it. But kind of work on the dialouge a bit...otherwise good