Through the darkness

Through the darkness you come in
you whisper my name
your eyes glowing like two big sunshine
your lips giving me an invitation to kiss.

Through the darkness you take me by my hand
and motion our bodies together
and I feel my heart rush
my skin tingle, my happiness grow.
We dance without music looking in each others eyes
and I feel how your love is keeping me alive.

Through the darkness we dance and dance
moving our feet, feeling on the clouds
I feel our love so immense
that I can hear it out loud.
And through the darkness we kiss, feeling our tongues movement like a beat.

Through the darkness we dance and forget about every single thing.
I feel our perspiration touch with each kiss we embrace

Through the darkness we become one
we become on and each others everything.

Author's Note

feedback? criticism?

Reviews

[Emily]

Hrm, I guess it is about time I returned your review. Sorry it has taken me a little bit.
Third phrase first stanza, "your eyes glowing like two big sunshine" Yes, the metaphor is there, but you are talking 'eyes' plural, and 'sunshine' singular. So. perhaps you have "your eyes glowing like two big suns" or "Your eyes glowing like sunshine" to make the phrase agree and flow better.
Second stanza fifth stanza, "each others eyes" should be 'each others' eyes"

Third stanza "I feel our love so immense that I can hear it out loud." This is an amazing set of lines. What a mixing of the senses to feel something so much you can hear the beat of it. You've taken emotions and nature and mixed them together so well.

Overall this piece is very good. The "Through the darkness" line is a little too repetitive, but overall, the peice is well done. The emotions are well expressed through your excellent word choice. I really enjoyed reading this. The inimacy is there, but you've kept the piece clean making it open for more people to read and experience.

Very nice work. A few little detail changes and you've got a very solid piece!

[Cherryblossom]

This was beautiful, I loved how you described that love is the only thing that seperates us from the dark. It's love that we live for. Great write :)
~Cherry

[emma]

Wonderful imagery. I felt a raw and beautiful passion in this writing. Very nicely written. I really enjoyed it!

[Hippy]

its nice for sure but i have little criticism on a peice like this im looking for darker upsetting things sorry i could be little help on feed back

[Shalini Dinesh]

wow, lovely poem, i loved this, the flow was good, Easy to read and understand... good job..

[JenLyn]

The imagery was absolutely fantastic and my favorite line(s) would have to be
"We dance without music looking in each others eyes
and I feel how your love is keeping me alive." Overall is was a nice write. Keep it up! :)

[Rain Kissed Secret]

I'm not sure what to say about this one, except that everyone seems to have love on their minds. It was lovely imagery. I understood what you wrote. So that is good ^-^ you did a fairly good job honey. Keep it up

Rain