Can't Go On

I keep wandering around with my mind going in circles,

hoping time would stop and all this would end.

Sometimes I just think that reality for me is just a blur,

just a phase I cannot accept or adjust,

and makes me want to live in a dream.

Because it sucks when you aspire for something

and yet is something that you can never do.

It feels so bad, that I barely sleep,

and I cry, and I stumble on the floor,

hit my head on the door

letting out all my hurt.

And I cry, and I fall and I'm trying to get up, but I can't...I cannot.

And I cry, but I wish I can smile often more.

and I cry and the worst is I don't have you at all.

And I wander around each minute my heart beating faster,

and I feel the rush in my veins,

but I wish all this could end.

Because reality is just a phase I cannot accept.

But I must, and it hurts, hurts so much

And I know I must go on...And it takes so much...

it takes so much...

But I can't....I can't go on.

Author's Note

Any feedbacks? Constructive criticism?

Reviews

[Emily]

3rd stanza first line, "And I cry, but I wish I COULD smile more often" can is present tense, and you're talking about how you want to in the future, so could works better and fits the flow.

This is very very good. Another well written piece. I give the simple corrections I do because your work is excellent and once and a while there are little details which can change the work to the next level. You are a talented next level writer. I really like the lines where you're talking about falling and hitting your head on the door.
Don't give up on your dreams! You can aspire to everything anytime. And yes, you can achieve it! best of luck and once again, wonderful piece!

[Mauricio Montoya]

I can relate to this piece, I’ve had this feeling many a time, some how I always find a way to snap back. Excellent write.

[ashley]

I know this feeling well. You've captured the emotions perfectly. Great job! :D

[emma]

So much emotion in your writing. I feel the desperation of your words.
Another wonderful and heartfelt write.

[Shalini Dinesh]

comparing to the previous poem i read, this poem is better than that, one common thing i noticed is you write from your heart and your feel is well brought out and well written... keep writing...

[Dutch Jr.]

Good work. Reading it it sounds like you wrote it with tons of passion.

[Rain Kissed Secret]

I like it. It flows, it has a reason behind it, it makes the reader feel what is going on, feel trapped with that heart wrenching sadness. You did a good job my dear.
Keep it up
Rain

[Johnny Westbrook]

Wow, very emotional and deep.
You can go on and you will go on because you have no other choice :p. Great things will come down the road and you will get back up soon. But very good write, I enjoyed this write quite a bit. keep it up, you make people think in many ways when they are done reading

[Hippy]

sounds good man and its gotta go on and you must learn the lessons you are supposed to learn from it and to quit now just think what you would miss out on and all the love ones you would hurt and how selfish itd be to quit plus with this talent you have for words to quit will get you no where