The Four Elements

This is for a contest...didn't put much effort into it....

        "You do know this is a bad idea, right?" Kayla whispered from my left. The lights were out, but I could still see her perfectly.

        "Isn't everything I do considered a bad idea?" I replied quietly. She scowled and I smiled.

        "Kayla's right: don't do this," Maddie said behind me. 

        "Yeah, C.c, it's just...a bad idea," Ana commented.

        I sighed playfully and winked at them. "C'mon...this'll be fun."

        I waved my hand in front of my face, snatching the water out of the air. It enveloped my hand, sending a cool sensation through my arm. My God, do I love having super powers. "Chill, guys. I have this completely under control."

        "We're robbing a bank!" Kayla hissed. "How can you possibly have this under control?"

        Maddie grabbed my arm. "Stop this; now," she said. The skin where her hand touched my arm was starting to burn.

        I hissed in pain. "Stop that!" I snarled.

        "Not until you agree that this is a bad idea," Ana said. 

        "It's a great idea! With the four of us, we can do anything!" 

        Maddie scoffed and released my arm. The water moved up to the area that she had burned and started to heal it. 

        "Well, I'm not doing it," Kayla said.

        "Dido," Ana squeaked.

        I looked at Maddie. "Well? Are you in?" I asked.

        She hesitated before nodding stiffly. "Yeah; I'm in."

        I smirked. "I knew you'd come around," I said. I turned to my other two friends. "See you guys later."

        And with that, I kicked the door down. Maddie made her hands catch on fire almost automatically.

        "Everyone hit the deck!" I yelled, making a whip with the water and swinging it around in the air. All of the civies fell to the floor, some screaming and some staying silent. When the screamers shut up, I shrieked, "Stay down and we won't hurt you." 

        Two cops came at us with some pistols. "But your hands behind your heads and drop your...uh...weapons?" one of them said.

        I laughed mentally. Morons, I thought. "Okay," I said, dropping the water to the floor. "Maddie, we're done. Lets just give up...." 

        "Thank you for the cooperation," the other cop said. 

        "No problem," I said. I looked at Maddie. You ready for this? I thought.

        She smirked. You know it, she replied inside my head.

        "One," I said aloud.

        "You have the right to remain--" the first cop started.

        "Thank you, but I'm not Miranda. Two."

        I saw Maddie's hands start to smoke from the corner of my eye.

        I smiled. "Three."

        Fire shot out of Maddie's hands, and the water returned to mine. I concentrated on the second cop--the one that Maddie wasn't burning alive. I thought about the cops blood stopping, and a second later that's what happened. The guy went into cardiac arrest and died. 

        When Maddie was done with the other guy, we walked over to the counter. "Hi," I said. "Uh...heh...we'd like to make a withdraw?"

        The dude behind the counter nodded quickly before giving us about a thousand dollars. I looked at the money and back and the guy. "More that that, please."

        "How much more?" he stuttered.

        "Hm..." I pondered that for a minute before turning to Maddie. "How much do we want, Maddie?"

        She shrugged. "About thirty-thousand; fifteen-thousand for each of us."

        I nodded. "That sounds reasonable." I turned back to the guy behind the counter. "You heard her."

        He obeyed, ducking behind the counter for the money. He came back out a minute later with our cash.

       "Have anything to carry it in?" I asked politely. 

       "Guys? What are you doing here?" Maddie asked from behind me.

       Damn, I thought. I turned around and smiled at Ana and Kayla. "Hey, guys. Whats up?"

       "Stop Courtney. Now. We won't let you do this," Kayla said. I saw her hair starting to swirl around her head. She was playing with the air currents again. 

        "Yeah, C.c, stop it. You don't want to rob a bank," Ana added. She had a rock in her hand, probably planning on chucking it at us.

        I laughed. "Sorry, but it's a little late for that, don't you think?"

        Ana threw the rock at my head. It came at break-neck speeds; maybe around 100 mph? I swear, that girl should play baseball or something. I sliced the rock in half with my water.

        Then the fight began.

         Kayla extinguished Maddie's flames by taking away all of the oxygen feeding them. I slashed her face with some water. She screeched in pain before shooting me a stare of daggers. Ana chucked a chunk of the bank's floor at me. I dodged it flawlessly and put a ball of water around her head, cutting off her air supply. Maddie was in a fist-fight with Kayla, so she was distracted enough for me to grab the money and run to the front door. 

         "Maddie, c'mon!" I yelled.

         She punched Kayla out and ran for the open door. After removing the water bubble, I followed. 

         We were two miles away when the cops made it to the bank.

Author's Note

I know its short, but i didnt put much into it...sorry. :) Please tell me what I did wrong!

Reviews

[Persephone Bones]

I LOVE IT!!! Maddie is SO awsome ^^ i would love to be her. :) I like how maddie was in the middle, but she went with C.C. anyways, and how thier bestfriends where the 'good' guys and they were the 'bad' guys.

[Rae]

to be honest, i really dont like the way you describe Ana and Kayla, why do Maddie and Courtney get to be awesome?

[Su]

wow

[aaaa]

I liked it, in a short space of time you established several character persons, and gave them particular personalities. Though I agree slightly with the person below me I would have liked just a tab more detail, but this is a sort of minimalistic story, one of those less is more types. I like it, hope to read more.

[H-Jonesy]

well. again its a good start but again depth would be nice, who are the people in the story, what are their back rounds, what do they look like.
And as for your action its way to simple. a action scene in a story is suppose to run smoothly.
Example: Kayla extinguished Maddie's flames by taking away all of the oxygen feeding them. I slashed her face with some water. She screeched in pain before shooting me a stare of daggers. Ana chucked a chunk of the bank's floor at me. I dodged it flawlessly and put a ball of water around her head, cutting off her air supply. Maddie was in a fist-fight with Kayla, so she was distracted enough for me to grab the money and run to the front door.

"Maddie, c'mon!" I yelled.

She punched Kayla out and ran for the open door. After removing the water bubble, I followed.

We were two miles away when the cops made it to the bank.

This was not smooth, it seemed like you rushed just to finish the thing. As a artist and a writer ive learned that the one thing you have to have when doing something like this is patience, or else it will never be what you want it to be.
I would also use more...ummm..how to put this. complicated, or sophisticated words. it will make to story seem less like a simple story.

[Paege]

...i hate it.

[broken web]

Well it was a good plot idea for a one-shot if that's what you were going for. I think there could have been a little more action in it and a better conclusion. Also there were some minor punctual errors. Other than that with some revising it could be good.

-Rayn*