---'s POV

The rain had slowed, giving me time to mentally map the campsite. There were three cabins. The big one was in the middle, used for games and hangouts. The one on the left with a blue flag was the cabin for the boys. It looked slightly worned down but managed to stay in place despite the chaos it probably endured. The one on the right with the pink flag was the girls cabin. Large vines of dark greenery grew under it, almost obscuring the steps in the middle. Three paths from each cabins connect like a circle in the middle, where there are logs to build a campfire. Blushes with flowers surround the campsite, one of them being examined by a figure in a raincoat. As I moved closer, I could make out more details of the figure. They were writing on a notepad, red curls obscuring the writing. I creep slowly toward them, realizing their a girl. She examined the flowers on the bush with interest. I smirks.

A plant lover. Interesting.

Reviews

[QRoels]

Hey Again. This one was more interesting than the last, but again it took a while to start.

Good descriptions for me to imagine the setting. This time it was not too much, just right IMO, likely because there was one suspect. but either way you took me there! I loved that.

Mentioning this person looking through the campsite might be a better place to start. If they notice the figure at the beginning of your story and then you add the campsite description, then you bring that character into focus it would be a more intriguing place to start. This is a good excerpt and could get a better spotlight.

Honestly this might be a better beginning to your story than the previous one. It describes the setting, develops an intrigue, and adds mystery. Followed by your previous POV it would become a cool start. The rain can start afterwards and everyone can get on the bus to leave. which slides nicely into Devon's point of view.

two more things. I now have a good idea that this character (presumably the killer) is not among the students, because they likely would have recognized (who I assume to be Patty) and known she liked cataloging plants. That's not bad, it's just obvious and you might consider keeping that option open to make the reader guess. losing "interesting" would probably do the trick. Finally you switch up tenses a few times. "looked" instead of "looks" in your 6th sentence is an example. It doesn't happen much though.

I like the continuation now that I made it to the "hook" I'll keep reading.