Devon's POV

The raindrops splattered down the windows of the bus. It was dark outside and the wind was blowing the trees around, creating a dark shadow over the campsite. Our small class of ten graduated from high school a week ago, and to celebrate, the school chose a parent to host a field trip. I turn in my seat to look at one of my classmates, Jenna. Our class decided on a camping trip, so Jenna's parents rented a campsite with three cabins. Jenna has brown hair that flowed down her back and light brown eyes that have always looked hollow. She has selective mutism, a disorder that doesn't allow her to talk to multiple people at once. The only times I have ever seen her talk is when she talks to Maria, a German exchange student. My eyes turn to her dark brown curls until they reach her hazel eyes. She's talking animatedly to Jenna, her hands moving as she talks. She stops when she notices my staring and glares at me. I put my hands up in mock surrender and she rolls her eyes. A tap on my shoulder makes me turn back to the person sitting next to me. Lester, with his mop of dirty blond hair, light eyes, and freckles dusting his face, is a picture of innocence. 

"Do you know why we stopped?" He asked, standing to look at the bus driver.

He was on the phone talking frantically to someone. One of our parent chaperones, Gwen's mom and my step-mom, stands and speaks to the class.

"One of the bus tires popped, so we might be staying for longer. We're going to head over to the main cabin so be careful in the rain." She speaks a few words to the bus driver and he opens the door to the bus. 

Justin immediately stands and runs to the front of the bus. 

"Last one to the cabin wakes up with a frog on their bed!" He yells, running out of the bus and into the rain.

"Move your butts people!" Rowan stands, and after a very embarrassing dance, runs after Justin.

It's been four years and those two still act like eighth graders. With a sigh, I stand and offer a hand to Lester, who takes it happily. Gwen comes up from behind me and grabs the headphones that are around my neck.

"Hey, give them back!" I lunge for them but she sidesteps me and ruffles my hair. Gwen is my half-sibling. We share the same father but different mothers. While she has honey-blonde hair and heterochromia eyes, I have platinum-blond hair and blue eyes. And even if she's my half-sibling, she still manages to annoy me like an actual sibling.

"Instead of listening to sad, depressing music, you could have been talking to me!" She gives me back my headphones with a dramatic sigh.

"I though you were sitting with Jewel and Patty?" I take them back and place them around my neck once more.

"I was, but Jewel's mom kept calling to make sure she was ok and Patty moved so she can keep track of the amount of plant species."

I look over to Jewel, who was talking in rapid Spanish on the phone, and Patty, who was writing on a notepad. Jewel was fluent in Spanish, since she was born in Columbia, and loved to insult people with the language because no one understood her. And Patty was an outdoor person, always obsessing over the beauty of nature.

"Come on kids! Keep moving!" The bus driver yells.

Gwen rushes past me, accidentally bumping into Maria, who lets out a few colorful German words as she falls. Jenna moves to help her but Benjamin beats her to it, offering a hand that Maria reluctantly takes. Benjamin was always the smart, sophisticated one, an absolute gentleman compared to the rest of us. Even on a camping trip he manages to look pristine, light black hair combined and slicked back and his clothes without the slightest wrinkle. He helps Maria up before silently walking out of the bus, not even bothering to run from the rain. I let Lester walk in front of me and wait until he's halfway to the cabin before running after him. By the time I arrive, most of us were drying and sitting on couches sipping hot chocolate.

"Devon's the last one! Remind me to wake him up with a surprise." Justin points at me, nudging Rowan with his elbow.

"Shut up, Justin. I let the others go first." I sit down on a nearby couch and take off my sweater.

"Wow, what a gentleman," Rowan says, "Benjamin might have competition." 

Benjamin and I both roll our eyes, sharing small smiles.

Gwen's mom appears with Patty's mom, both holding clipboards. 

"OK, kids, we;re going to lead you to the cabins. Boys go with Mrs. Blackwood, Girls go with me."

Everyone stands and separates. The lights flicker for a brief moment before going out completely. Lightning and thunder boom in the distance, making a few people scream. Two flashlights illuminate the room.

"Calm down, everybody, it's just a power outage," Mrs. Blackwood sounds slightly annoyed, "Go to your beds and sleep. Tomorrow is a big day."

Reviews

[QRoels]

Hey, not bad. It was a neat POV but nothing happened. Not yet anyway. I see there are more chapters and I would like to get them over the next few days.

First off your dialogue is great, which is something I admire. I always found it hard, but you have just the right level of speech and description in a way that reads realistically. Your descriptions are also nice but are too close together for me. Kind of hard to avoid on a bus though. More dialogue might be able to break that up a bit but this POV seems overloaded with character descriptions.

I do want to address the action here. Your characters are believable and interesting but I would want more than that to keep going. I know what you are going for with the name of your complete story but some tantalizing tidbits at the beginning will entice the reader better. Interject a little bit of drama, or elude the motive for a killing, or reveal some inner monologue that suggests an upcoming murder. Just a few ideas.