A dainty mess

A million thoughts are being displayed

brooding eyes with bitterness

Sore chest, wintry hands

Invasive thoughts, words vague

Acting out while I fight

reaching out to those who don't try

this voice of yours won't leave my mind

With emptiness within my soul

being at home but feeling lost

alleged freedom but feeling forced

wasted time on counting faults

Author's Note

Hey! I would like to know what I should improve and your honest opinion, so don't hesitate to tell me what you think. Thanks!

Reviews

[Franky]

Honestly? I can relate very much to these words. Especially the part where you reach out to those who don't try. I've been there! Im glad this write is complete and not too long. It's insightful with some emotion at the edges. I don't see anything wrong at all.

[sofia]

Thanks a lot! Glad you enjoyed it.

[dipsy]

Being at home but feeling lost ...alleged freedom but feeling forced...its like everything shows you should be okay but you are a mess ...relatable and lovely...

[sofia]

Thanks a lot! x

[Phill Oz O'fee]

In a free write it is not always necessary to use commas or full stop; creativity is the major theme.
For example; with your permission, I forward the following reformat of your delightful write –

A million thoughts
are being displayed
With bitterness
in my brooding eyes
Sore chest
and wintry hand
Vague words prevail
and my thoughts invasive

Acting out
while I fight
Reaching out
to those who don't try
This voice of yours
won't leave my mind
And plays
on my emotions


With emptiness
within my soul
Being safe at home
feeling lost and lonely
Alleged freedom
but feeling forced
Wasting time
on counting faults

Just my interpretation; like I said – hope you don’t mind! :-)

[sofia]

Thanks a lot! This was really helpful.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Good edit ....