the beginner

the girl that will and always gets away

The clouds sit still in the sky as the sun gleams off of the ocean. The sun is setting, the storm has passed, the grey thunderclouds dissipate from the sun’s starburst colors.  I am here, where the rocks are jagged and the water is green. Im with her, the wind blows her long blonde hair on my cheek. I am holding her, the sun soaks into my skin. Her head is next to mine, she is holding me. She smiles and looks into my eyes, I look into hers. I have a smile, one that I haven’t felt before. One that showed that I was content with just sitting on this bench with her and look at the sky clash with the horizon all day. She combed her fingers through my hair and moved them down my body. I know her, she knows me. I truly understand what she is, and she understands who I am. I feel the urge to kiss her and tell her how I wish we could sit here forever. I am drunk, I hold it back. She teases me, she flirts. I blush. She kisses me. I try not to kiss back. I know the ending and am too intoxicated to want it. I loved her, I was falling in love with her. She squeezes her head against mine. She tells me she loves me. I tell her the same. I felt happy, I am a romantic, she is not. I hold her and gently move my hand across the side of her body. I hold her hand. I feel weird, she Is amazing. And in this moment I see her, I see the light shine off her chestnut brown eyes and the curve of her red lips, and the cute dimples in her smile. I see the girl that danced in front of my car while the music blasted, just to cheer me up. I couldn’t help but grin and laugh and get out and dance with her. I see the girl that picked me up when my world was crushed. I see the girl that always had my back for some ungodly reason, and I had hers. I feel happy, she does too. I hold her a little tighter, as if I didn’t want the moment to pass. Then it happens, like it was all supposed too. He comes over, she lets me go. She gets up and grabs his hand and walks away. She turns her head to look back. She looks a bit sad, or maybe I was hoping she was. She smiles at me, she looks beautiful as the sun touches her face. She bites her lip and turns away and walks off with him with that smile.  He walks away with her and I sit on the bench, looking at the water. I feel happy, like the hopeless romantic at the end of a bad movie. But there is no happy ending. Im the good guy, because I never wanted to be the bad guy, because every girl needs a person to genuinely care. Im the loser because every winner needs one. I have the drudging existence that isn’t appreciated, until it is no longer present. The feeling of utter melancholy and solace describes the emotion. I glance as they disappear in the distance. I smile, I am content. I love her, she loves me and for once that was just okay. It was enough for me, despite everything. It was enough. I smile, comb my hand through my hair, and close my eyes and think of her. I light a ciggarratte and walk down the beach. She was my sweetheart, my lovely muse that would toy with me in the most affectionate way. It was all fine, it was all okay. It was enough. I loved her, and she loved me, so that was enough. I took a drag and walked off the beach.