jabirs revenge part 2

please tell me if you have any questions regarding the plot so i can make sure i catch everything and answer all

Jan. 3

jabir, oh jabir. they stopped me from exacting revenge upon her… i am so sorry i have failed you… they won't let me go visit you…they say i have to talk about you and her….. i can't tell them of her…. no its not safe….you must run jabir!! why have you not left yet? why are you still here… i can still hear you…

Jan.7

i stay here day in and day out.. its getting to be exhausting, oh i cannot do this again, i must get out, the days are coming to be so useless, these bars they bind me with, seem to grow more and more each time they fill it so it may pour its evil waters in me, they will kill me i swear.

Jan. 11

they found you. right where she left you….. they should have let you be. jabir i'm so sorry, i don't know how they found you…i thought she hid you so well

Jan. 17

why do you scream at me? it wasn't me who did this to you jabir!! she did this, i would rid myself of her, but she is with me always, i cannot make her leave me….please stop….please stop…stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop……….STOP PLEASE JABIR STOP I CAN'T MAKE HER LEAVE PLEASE…………..please………………. oh god save me

Jan.18

Aaliya why? why did you do that? you should have closed the door….. please i have to…i can't….. please… aaliya no…….you didn't know of course…run aaliya, please!! please you can't let her get ot you you can't please… jabir, tell her!! please tell her!! no run both of you now!! you have to its not safe.

Jan. 23

i've done it again….oh the peace that i feel i can't believe it…. she was right i would be safer…….. no this is not right……not good…please save me… the man said that his thing could save me…….Jabir why? why do they lie?……..please go you can't be here…shouldn't be here…you made him leave…jabir she's here run please run!!! 

Jan.27

they shouldn't stare…she doesn't like it when they stare…jabir stared, and he had to leave….please go….GO YOU HAVE TO GO I WILL MAKE YOU…no please don't…you can't this isn't right…

Jan. 31

 can't stand it here…its to quiet…of course at least….she leaves me for a moment when i am here

Reviews

[Ethale Captor]

Nicely written. I suggest a continuation.

[marie]

and i did:) oh!! do you think your original idea of her is generally correct? i'm just curious:)

[Ethale Captor]

Almost right on the mark. Good job.

[marie]

almost? what did you get wrong?

[Ethale Captor]

All writings are "almost" perfect. That is what keeps us striving to write better.

[marie]

you changed the subject i was referring to what did you get wrong about the character?

[Ethale Captor]

Nothing, it was pretty much on the mark. Besides, it is not my character, so how would I know?

[marie]

your you

[Ethale Captor]

And that should change nothing.

[marie]

it changes everything, and complicates things, and adds to things that should or should not be added to, but its still you so its ok

[Ethale Captor]

I assume so.

[marie]

did i lose you because you are adding nothing to this conversation simply being a yes man, which you know i absolutely hate!!

[Ethale Captor]

Which is why I do so, my friend.

[marie]

and the point is?

[Ethale Captor]

What you said it was.

[marie]

OREO!!! a useful purpose other than to simply annoy me

[Ethale Captor]

Because I have nothing else to say. I am dry out of replies. Is that useful enough?

[marie]

you always have something to say, its just a matter of whether you deem it worthy of actually being said or not

[Ethale Captor]

Well, of course.

[marie]

soooo..... say it:)

[Ethale Captor]

Say what?

[marie]

it as in something one of the random phrases circling in you head:)

[Ethale Captor]

Alright, "Not only are we who we are, but we are who we choose to be."

[marie]

yep:) thats one of them:) but you must remember we are only as good or bad as the choices we make:)

[Ethale Captor]

"There is no such thing as good or evil, only choices."

[marie]

choices lead to consequences that either aid us in our goals or obstruct us from the path we have chosen

[Ethale Captor]

Exactly.

[marie]

care to elaborate?

[Ethale Captor]

Not exactly.

[marie]

then this conversation had reached a brick wall...

[Ethale Captor]

I believe so.

[marie]

....

[Saya Marie Vandiesmonte]

This is really cool. I love how her split personalities are always arguing! Reminds me of Smeagal from Lord of the Rings!

[marie]

yeah:) now that i think about it like that she is like smeagal:)lol

[Ashley G.]

Okay I'm not sure if I understand I might have missed something. But does she have a split personality?

[marie]

YES!!! finally someone who gets it:) huzzah:) yay:)

[Ashley G.]

Oh okay so I was right. Whew!

[Nick.B]

Interesting, so they managed to catch her, love jan. 31 it shows that she can't stand to be at peace she needs a momentum of crazy...great work

[marie]

thanks:) i'm glad you liked it, just wondering, but how am i doing on the clarity of the piece?

[Nick.B]

Well, maybe show how the two got together, how they caught her, and maybe describe her pain/grief more...

[marie]

Kk sounds good i'll work it into the next one:)

[Nick.B]

okay...looking forward to it :D

[marie]

:)