no name yet

an echo in the shadows

of a mind waiting still

a promise in the dead of night

amidst the tortures will

a cry in the loudest storm

to the scoffers all

a tear inside the rain 

that ever falls for all

hear the peasants final plea 

for a hope to come

save one from the devil's fire

before their stricken dumb

a blackness inside their souls

encasing a true light

they'll never give it up

without a fight

the last hope for promise 

inside the demons mind 

so come now and take it 

before i'm left behind

this little window closes fast

within your doubting sight

you better start looking now 

before begins your plight

come and take the last true light 

from within this demons mind

Author's Note

ideas for a name?

Reviews

[Lina Grey]

a title: Before I'm Left Behind? That line stands out to me since it's the only one in first person. it's a great write, very cynical.

[marie]

Cool sounds nice might just use it...

[Lina Grey]

:)

[Adam M. Snow]

Truly amazing

[marie]

thanks :) i have no clue where this came from but i really like the way it turned out

[Adam M. Snow]

Well you did a great job

[marie]

thanks the only thing next would be to figure out the title....

[quinfinn]

i like your own line for a title "a tear inside the rain" great poem!

[marie]

thank you :)

[Patrick Henry]

How about: "The Musing"? A product of contemplation; a thought. It fits, to me, with the whole of the piece where in it is defined as a self-awareness looking for some recognition of the suffering and confusion that is being felt!! There are a few "fun" lines that don't come across as too serious and may even take away from the seriousness as far as those lines coming across as "fillers". Overall, you sound like you wrote what you wanted to get out and in the end, I like it. xoxo -Mark

[marie]

thank you:) glad you loved it :)

[Ashley G.]

Title: A demon's mind?

[Rose of Gondor]

I love the imagery of this piece, it brings me to a place where I can feel the darkness. This poem is very melodic, and tells a story, bringing it to a full end. As for a title: I don't really think of one upon reading this piece...it seems too mysterious for that....

[marie]

I know right?! I sat for two hours trying to think of a name here I am about three days later.... Where is the title?!

[Rose of Gondor]

XD I hope you find that title soon!

[marie]

it ran away.... i don;t think it likes me........oh title where are you?!

[Rose of Gondor]

lol

[marie]

:)

[Rose of Gondor]

We shall hunt The TITLE! *gets traps and nets* Let's go!

[marie]

*narrows eyes as puts hat on* lets do this

[Rose of Gondor]

*mission impossible theme plays in the background*

[marie]

Where do we go now?

[Rose of Gondor]

Er...um.....I don't know.....HOW ABOUT THE REVIEWS BELOW?

[Rose of Gondor]

(or maybe above?)

[marie]

hmmmmmmm you go up i'll go down?

[Rose of Gondor]

OK! *goes up ladder*

[marie]

*looks nervously at manhole plugs nose and jumps in..... splash echoes below* i'm ok!!!....... its dark in here...

[Rose of Gondor]

Here, have a flashlight *toss*

[marie]

Yay!!!! *flashes it on and off* pretty!!! :)

[Rose of Gondor]

Yep! Lights in the dark are nice. :D Well, I should probably go up. *climbs* grrr...I hate heights...

[marie]

Uh uh.... Here's a rope:)*grabs rope*ahhjj snake!!! *throws snake away and bursts out crying* it's scary down here!!!

[Rose of Gondor]

*calls down* IT'S OK!!!! I DON'T THINK THAT'S POISONOUS! HERE, HAVE A TISSUE! *drops kleenex*

[marie]

*gasp* THERE'S A TITLE WRITTEN ON THE TISSUE!!!!!!

[Rose of Gondor]

WHAT????? *looks down* WHERRREEEE?

[marie]

Right here!!!:)

[Rose of Gondor]

*gasp* WHAT DOES IT SAYYY?

[marie]

A Demons Mind... What do you think?

[Rose of Gondor]

THAT'S FLIPPIN' GENIUS!!! *claps; wobbles* WOOPS AAHHHH *falls from ladder*

[marie]

Nooo I'll catch you!!!

[Rose of Gondor]

AHHHHHHHHHH--------wait, what?

[marie]

I don't know!!

[Rose of Gondor]

*crashes on top of you* Ow.....

[}Echo{]

This is really great. I like the emotion and theme and detail of the poem. Keep Writing, this is great! :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"a Spirit in the Flames"

[marie]

:)