saving something we're losing

A Story by Song

are we still us?

Have any of you guys ever had this feeling where you had really awesome people around you for the longest time and you all become so close and bonded, but then it just slowly slips away? I can't help but feel like that; I have been feeling like it for a long time. I called us NAKAMA, I called us sibilings. What happened? We shouldn't just drift apart. Maybe it was my fault; maybe if I had been nicer, or hadn't change so much...maybe then we'd all still talk ever so often. I only blame myself, that is all I know. Who was the glue that held us? Once in awhile, whenever we'd all happen to be there at the same time the five of us would sit and talk about how we're all going to become close again, we'd talk about hanging out more and spending our time like we did in the old days... but what happened? Why didn't we follow through?

It must've been when I left you guys for other people. It's always that; I always leave people for what I think are better... it is something I am not proud of when I stop to think and look back. Things just popped up in our lives, I think. I had "friends", you had homework. There is not a day that goes by where I don't think of you guys, and I wish that I could re-do this whole mess all over. If I could bring our lives together I would, but I know that could never be possible.

No one is ever here anymore. What brought us together was loneliness; we were all alone in reality, rejected by people around us that weren't very important in the end. We sought familiarty with strangers, in our fantasy world. It must've been destiny, to meet each other like this. What are the odds, I always say. Sometimes I dream about finally seeing you, and somehow I just know it's you so I run and run until I crush you with love in my arms; no matter how awkward it would be. Sometimes I wonder what you are doing that day, and if your life has been good to you. Whenever you mention something bad happeneing, or someone being mean to you I feel so much hatred, I want to crush the people with cruelty. No one can hurt my precious, precious people.

Will I still know you when I get my first boyfriend? My husband? My children? Will we keep in touch until we die? If I ever die, how would you know to attend to my funeral? I want you to be there. I want you to stand at the microphone and look out to the sea of people you've never met then speak of our times together; the dates of our moments, memories, and life changing events. They will be confused, and it will be all of our little secrets.
I want you guys to promise me, forever.

Love, Songli