An Interview

A Story by thecandidate

Round one of the never-ending circus that is the job-seeking process

"Hi there, is this Leah?"

"Yes, this is she"

"we're having interviews this this week. I'm phoning to ask if you would be able to come in"

I clear my throat in an effort to sound more professional. "Of course, thank you, Friday it is."

GAME ON.

And so it begins. The interview preparation phase. This sounds elaborate but most of you know that all this really involves is sitting around the house, mumbling to yourself, answering your own questions. I have mastered this phase. Piece of cake.

"What are your strengths and weaknesses?"

Don't you just love this question?

"Hmm, let's see...my strengths: I'm hard-working, creative, enthusiastic, and I can juggle, sing and ride a unicycle on horseback, all at the same time.

Weaknesses? Come on, we all know where this is going...

"Well, I'm so extremely hard on myself. I push myself too far. I work too hard. And sometimes the unicycle rides up my butt."

Please. I've got this in the bag.

On the day of the interview I drive 50km. It'll be worth it. Of course it will. I arrive at the office park an hour before the interview. My car has no air-conditioning...but that's why I'm here. To work hard, to make a bit of extra cash and to buy myself an air-con unit.

"Yes." I confirm out loud, wiping the beads of sweat from my forehead, "that's definitely first on my list."

Fifteen minutes to go. Showtime.

I drag my enormous portfolio to the front door. Wait. This isn't the office. Crap. I run to the next building and repeat the address on the email: "Building 2, block D...block D...block D?!"

Oh no. Oh God. Now I'm really sweating.

I finally arrive at an office with a small sticker on the door that says Staff Only. Please let this be the place. I knock on the door and a very short man opens.

“I’m here for the interview?” I ask timidly. Oh no, I’ve forgotten my façade.

“I’m Leah”. I jab my hand at him in an effort to make up for my lack of confidence. He reaches up (did I mention he was short?) and shakes it uneasily. “Let’s get started”.

Now, I won’t bore you with the details. In fact, the interview went SO well that I started planning where I was going to spend my next holiday.

I’ve got this, I thought. Nothing to worry about.

And then it came. Like a big, wet piece of salmon right in the face.

“Thank you so much for coming. I can’t wait to get started. And wow, I can’t believe you’re affordable!”

“Affordable?” I ask, trying not to wince.

So much for the air-conditioning or trip to Thailand. So much for petrol or groceries or toilet-paper. I guess I’ll keep looking. So it begins.

ROUND 2…

3…2…1…

FIGHT!