now that you've had a week and you're all telepathic

the midwifery workshop found me new friends and mothers.
"i tell my moms that all the time." the women said. all the mothers. doulas. doulas mother the mother.

i didn't love the inscription ina may wrote in my book:
"for arielle warm wishes" then her name. but i think it's because at first i thought it said "many wishes" (what does that mean?) and because she didn't know my name, not that i thought she would.

pamela knew it though. i think.

opening and closing circle were similar. first it was where you came from, then where you are going.
homeless. austin.

and in the end, both of them hugged me. both of them looked motherly. both of them said keep in touch.

"i'm glad you're going to austin." the women said. and i don't know why i'm going, but sabbath read my cards and she said i should go some place i've never been. so i'm doing it.

NASHVILLE:

is more like denver than atlanta near as i can tell so far, but i've only been a few blocks off the interstate in either direction. i'm in an musicians house. he toured with langhorne slim which is cool, and makes sara and her boyfriend jealous. which is even cooler.

beth messaged me today asking how i'm doing. she says let me know if you need anything which people always say, but rarely mean. i wonder what it might be like going to des moines. i suppose sabbath could train me on how to encapsulate placenta incase she needs a back up and i'd make like...two or three hundred dollars a job,

this man looks like diego luna's and bret clement's baby.

his computer is like dawn's only black. there are pictures of him on the wall with his girlfriend who looks suspiciously like dawn if dawn had long, blonde hair.

"ferraby and i used to be in love." she'd said casually.

they are wearing cold hats. in a photobooth. much of the wall art features her.

"you look so different." i'd noted.
"which do you like better?" she asks in her child's voice.
"the short hair...i dunno, it makes your face look...more...memorable?"
"yeah i think it gives me some semblance of a personality." and we kind of laugh a little half heartedly which is the only kind of laughing that happens here.

*          *    *

Deonn is a psychic. she's also my "roommate" as the two of us arrived before the rest of the group and claimed the beds in the loft.

i shuffle a deck of cards and she spreads them out on the floor.

spirit is "destruction."
physical is "addiction."
sex is "love"
communication is "scribe"
center card is "mother."

"it really cool that all of your cards are in appropriate categories, too," she said "and they're all facing up, so your energy is really flowing in the right direction."

"what do you think about dawn, is she gay?"
"dawn doesn't seem like a very sexual person to me."
"yeah i guess."
"i think i have a crush on her cause when i look at her i feel like a 12 year old girl looking at a really cute 12 year old boy."

she laughs.

"so no? not gay?"

*           *            *
"i don't know, she seems pretty gay to me..."
"i don't think she is."
"julia definitely is. beth and sabbath and deonn and i talked about it."
"do they think I am gay?!"
"uh...i dunno, i mean we didn't really...we talked about everyone and i guess we decided we didn't know about you."
"oh." she said

ferraby thinks we ought to start the movie.

"ok, you measure the ceiling and we'll talk about who was a lesbian at birth camp."
"nine and a half feet."
"that's pretty good." i say. "who are we missing?"
"okay, we have kate, sherry, chris, julia, didi, beth and sabbath, pam...misty, me and you, tina and jo anne"

do we have you, dawn? does having a boyfriend make you straight?
do we have me?

"who are we missing?"
"angie!"

*           *             *

they spend most of the day in bed. i think it's weird because i don't know anything. he talks to me more than she does, and neither of them are funny. i don't think i've really lauged since didi, beth, sabbath, and i ate at that mexican restaurant.

"this isn't a chip."
"oh my god. was that in the chips?!"
"yeah. what do you think it is?"
"is it a piece of charcoal?"
"i think it's chicken."
"it looks like a piece of placenta." sabbath said.

"can i get you some more to drink?"
"that would be great. i also have a question" beth says, holding up the charred piece of something "what is this?"
"uh..." he takes it and examines "looks like chicken" he says in his hispanic voice.
"CALLED IT!" beth was so proud of herself.

*             * *

most of the time spent thus far has been with the musician. today dawn talked to me to let me know i had the washer running while she was in the shower.

ferraby had the washer running while i was in the shower, so i think next time he showers she should wash clothes and it will all come full circle, but i don't tell her this i just say "sorry."

"we took the frog back." she says.
"oh yeah?"
"yeah they're gonna quarentine him for seventy-two hours."
"that's good, at least he won't get his friend's sick, but he'll be back with them eventually."

sometimes i don't know how to talk to her. we all talk to each other like we're babies around here.

*             *             *

"i think she thinks of me, like, more as a puppy, you know?"
"that's exactly what i was thinking" deonn says, "it seems like you're like her charity case. like she's bringing you along because she wants to distract herself from her own anxieties about going home. she can just focus on your problems because she thinks they're greater..."
"yeah i was thinking about that."
"yeah she seems kind of codependent like that."

*             *             *

"ferraby are really dependent on each other" she says. "we're very dependent. it's kind of unhealthy."

but she brought me home a bag of dates to eat in the car, though she didn't tell me: ferraby did.

SO WE'RE OFF FOR AUSTIN IN THREE HOURS.

"if thing's don't work out in austin" pam says "you can always come stay with me in richmond."
"okay" i said "I'll cook for your family."

and then there's beth and sabbath in des moines,
deonn in chicago,
chris is in new jersey,
and at least for a little while Kate in new york,
or john or janet,

and jess and dave are in virginia.

"don't worry about it too much" pamela had said after closing circle, "these women will take care of you. you're in good hands."