If for a lady

I know that I've stolen the word "If" I, I hope it doesn't upset anyone. it's just my take on it! I also think the other one's much better

If you could marry a king with all his riches

and only ever want the man inside

 

If you can sleep with a man and feel complete

with just the love he has to give

 

stare beauty in the face without desire or lust

or be charmed and flattered and not want more

 

If you can let a man feel like a man and never feel small

stand tall with pride

feel worthy and still know your worth 

 

If you can understand the values in truth

but speck your mind in a way that's still kind

If you Can give all your love and not hold any back for fear of attack 

can you feel passion in your pain and know there one of the same

and live your life with out a feeling of shame

 

earn respect and still be respected

If you would fight to keep your love alight

even when the flame burns slowly and never give up

to stay with the same man till your both old and grey

and share the same bed till you both pass away

 

If so be with me, for you are the lady I'd love to see

 

 

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This is an interesting piece... First, the concept is that of a poet speaking to his "would be" lady love; expressing those things inside of himself that he needs in order to feel whole and complete--i.e. a woman who will love him despite his social status, is loyal, compassionate, supportive, etc. For this reason, I am reminded of the classics, like Keats and Byron, who also wrote of such things. What is a man without a woman standing behind him, propping him up so that he may take on the world?

Technically, I like the feel and flow of this one, save for a few small issues:

4th Stanza--that second line being so short in comparison to the much longer opening and closing lines throws off the beat.

5th Stanza--Perhaps there is a way that you can make the 3rd and 4th lines slightly less wordy?
"If you can give all your love and not hold any back for fear of attack" vs.
"If you can give your all, holding nothing back for fear of attack"

Just cutting out a few beats helps keep the flow going a little more smoothly. Overall, though, I enjoyed the read! :)