Silently Still

A poem in progress. I just wrapped it up tonight after a rain storm. Enjoy and please provide feedback!

There is more to it all

Than the new and the few.

Look around, we're all so small,

Veiled illusions force us through.

And the rain continues

To fall.

Silently.

 

I say to the man without a face

Put away your guns and rockets

And that paper in your pockets.

Who says we own this place?

And the bodies continue

To lie.

Still.

 

Light for a moment,

Then thunder strikes.

Rain split by cries,

Then somebody dies.

And the tears continue

To fall.

Silently.

 

Suit, tie, and no face

Clutching a suitcase

and flickering match.

His eye is missing it's patch.

And his smile continues

To lie.

Still.

 

A boom, a click

And out go the lights.

Rich blood sticks down thick

Smothering the victim's plight.

And the words continue

To stain.

Silently.

 

With his morals spent

And a fistful of dead presidents

He shines his shoes

With someone's Boo Hoo's

And the promises continue

To lie.

Still.

 

As sure as waves hit the shore

And names stick in stone

Peace means more

Than lack of war.

And the lines continue

To March.

Silently.

 

A shadow down the steps

Leaving you clinging to the rail.

His heart is as pale

As his victim's eyes

Blind to the sunrise.

And the dust continues

To Lie.

Still.

 

The rain starts to soften

And their eyes begin to awaken

The divide comes to shorten

And the rest taste the best

And the hands start

To shake.

Finally.

Author's Note

So I don't think it's quite there yet, but it's definitely making some progress.

Any suggestions?

Reviews

[Norma J. Jessee]

This is a very good beginning to a poem that could easily get into the hearts and minds of those who by choice or circumstances are connect to our nation's wars.
I would very much like to see the finished work.
I do have one suggestion though, the 6th verse line four, the words Boo Hoo's does not belong in this poem. This poem is relating pain and suffering. And ( Boo Hoo's) takes away the power of whats being said.Tears would be a much more effective word.

So far I love it . Very good beginning. Let me know when you've completed it.

[E]

i can't read this outloud without singing it. this is an incredible piece of work, darling.
I say to the man without a face
Put away your guns and rockets
And that paper in your pockets.
that is powerful, powerful, powerful, john lennon style s**t right there.
so... who are you talking about? ;)

also, props to marrybell for knowing that "boo hoos" imply a lack of feeling.

[merrybell]

I agree that this could really be something when it grows up. I don't know how poets revise their work...and don't pretend to be very talented but to me, the verse with the Boo Hoos in it indicates the lack of feeling or awareness of real misery of war by the very people who steer us into it...How many politicians are ever ever on the front lines..or even in the rear lines cooking dinner? I suppose another word other than Boo Hoo might be good, but then again, not as satirical as that verse hits me. It is saying to us, the people who really get us into war are so far removed from the reality of it, that they indeed shine their shoes with tears, completely oblivbious. .... but then again, I'm an old hippy from the way back time when Dylan was poet king and delivered the anti war message for my generation...Have you ever read any of Bob Dylan's lyrics? They'll blow you away.

Its good to see a young person with such concern and empathy for the suffering caused by war. I love the last line... peace is more than the absence of war. So true.