The Winding Road of Life

My second poem, there's not much I can say about it that it can't say itself. This is the 3rd and hopefully final version of this poem, as I'm finally satisfied with the last stanza. But time will be the true test of these words.

The trees flying past,

Roses waving back at me

Trying to tell the present from past

While looking for the right key.

Before the moment's gone,

We all wander on.

 

Through tunnels and by fences,

Our own drive pulls us through

That maze for all the senses

And all those springs and summers of old,

Giving questions of when and who

All trying to escape the fold.

Before the moment's gone,

We all wander on.

 

Within and Without,

Choices fly past too.

Stranger's gazes full of doubt

Their eyes see you

And go straight through

Before the moment's gone,

We all wander on.

 

Always, and even longer

This road goes on.

I keep the key upon my shoulders,

Where the wheels continue to roll

And I've worn my shoes right down to my soul.

Before the moment's gone,

We will wander, forever on.

 

Author's Note

Well, what do you think? Keeping in mind that this is my second poem, I'm sure it has some amateurish qualities that shall be ironed out of my style after a few more miles down this winding road of life.

Reviews

[E]

this is very irish, very gaelic feeling, did you know?

[merrybell]

I love the heart of the poem...We do wander on...sometimes at breakneck speed to nowhere. I am reminded of Wordsworth's (I think) The world is too much with us late and soon..getting and spending we lay waste our powers..little we see in nature that is ours ..we have given our hearts away, a sordid boon.....That's all I can remember. Back in my day we had to memorize alot...BUT the idea, Alton, seems relevant....as humans we have an awful tendency to allow, even encourage, life to get away from us. As a poet you have captured the forlorn heart that realizes this and is still wandering on. ..... I have no problem with the juxtaposition of rhyme flowing into free verse..it almost takes the reader from form and structure to a looseness that emphasizes the loss of pleasure in the course of wandering. Read "The Road Less Taken" or something like that by Robert Frost. It might give you strenght in your journey. Good luck. I've wandered so far myself I left the poetry in my heart by side of the road.

[Babbette Francis]

I love the way you put your view of life into words. So many of us take life for granted and your poem shows how sad and empty we are because we let the moment way pass too soon. - We all wonder on.
I absolutely love this poem for its meaning and truth.

Its a favorite- I love it!! I really do.

[E]

ahhh i love this line, ...And I've worn my shoes right down to my soul...

SO GOOD. you know.... you're stuff could be put into song form... ever thought about doing that?

[Norma J. Jessee]

This reminds me so much of a poem I wrote titled " Lost " I feel your version explains so much better than mine did. In my poem I was trying to find ( me ) This world is so filled to the brim with idea's and patterns of how and what we should be that we lose our way sometimes and don't know who, what, or how we should be. We have to stop sometimes and ask ourselves. Who am I. What am I . I don't know if I'm making any sense, but this piece spoke to me. I saw a soul traveling down life's highway searching for answers, trying to find it's place in the world.
Very beautiful, Thanks for sharing.

[Britni, Believe Me]

I really like this updated version. The ending is nice and I digg the imagery.

I do miss the chess reference you had about pawns though.

[lindseyok]

I could really visualize this. Without even meaning to, while I was reading, these images just started popping into my mind of someone running down a country road and then through a tunnel and then a door slowly opening to reveal a stranger. I dunno if all that means anything, but I really liked it.

[Alton]

Thank you for the feedback, and thanks for pointing out it's flaw. I'll improve the rhyme-scheme issue, this is only the product of a hour or so brainstorm, it deserves to be tuned up to pitch.

[Christian Walters]

Hiya,
Sorry but I think I agree with Mejasha, about being thrown off by the mix of styles. However I did like the subject matter it was very profound and thought provoking.

Well done!!

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

Hmmm. I liked it but the rhyme scheme changed up a lot. That is O.K. I guess. I just think that poems flow better if they are either free form or they rhyme. When you mix it up it throws me off when reading it.
But that is just me. Don't take my word for it. Maybe that is your own style to mix it up.
I love the concept,(how life is flying by as we are traveling through it.)
Like I said don't take my word for it.
You ask me what I thought and I try to be honest.
Love All, Mejasha