A First Kiss

Everyones fantasy....

Our first KISS
 

So we have known this for a time   a long time This innocence this pretending this need We only know each other innocently or do we? We act like it isn't in the air but it's all over the air We both try to pretend everything is OK that we don't really need this to happen Neither of us want to be the first to risk anything This need of ours is so mutual  but why? Why do we both have to pretend the giant pink elephant isn't in the room? Who has the most to lose?  who wants to make the first move? Who wants to take the risk to enjoy such pleasure? Who will it be?

Reviews

[ms. barrie]

i love this, i agree: this is very, relatable, beautiful poem:

"This innocence this pretending this need

We only know each other innocently or do we?

We act like it isn't in the air but it's all over the air"

- these lines say so much, written with eloquence and beauty, amazing! looking forward to reading more of your work. thank you for reviewing some of my writes, i truly appreciate it :)

[soliloquy]

Thank you so much from the heart....I really appreciate it.

[Isobella Rose]

I like the poem. However, I'm a bit confused with the capitalization of random words. Although it is a nice poem :)

[Ees]

Hmmm.
Yeah, I'm with That_Girl on this.
Remember how I told you that I didn't like when people used "interesting" fonts because I think they are a cheep ploy for making their poem look interesting? Yeah, I still think that, but here it didn't make your work look interesting even, it made it just look drawn out....
The first line is really hard to read.
" for a time A long time "- just sounds really weird.

In the second line the use of capitalization with lack of punctuation actually works.

I feel like the content could have gotten a little more poem-y. Yeah, I know that isn't very descriptive, but I tried. It's the or do we? and the questioning that encompasses two people rather than just you.

I really liked the second to last line in this. I felt reality in that one.

Overall the concept is great, I just think that the execution could use a little tweaking....

sorry, hope I wasn't mean. I should stop typing reviews. I feel like I am starting to come across as such a b***h! I'm not a b***h in real life... I rarely criticize people. It just feels like criticizing poems is the best way to help each other on here.
lol

[soliloquy]

Thanks for you thoughts.....i appreciate your candor. The only way to improve something is to get feedback.

[That_Girl]

Oh bull... you leave kick a*s comments. They really actually help. :)

[soliloquy]

ummm. ok. Well....then im pissed at you for being so MEAN!!!!

lol kidding....

[Ees]

hahaha,
thanks guys!

[That_Girl]

I like the content but I don't like the way certain random words are capitalized... more punctuation would fix that. Just a thought. Cute poem though.

[soliloquy]

thank you my friend.....i feel good that you read and took the time to comment...

[Alejandra]

This has a strongness to it especially at the end. I enjoyed this. I read this twice..

[soliloquy]

Thank you. I have been inspired lately to think like this.

[Alejandra]

No problem. What inspired you?

[soliloquy]

:0)