Done

I wrote this after watching the movie "Dear John". I cried a ridiculous amount as I do in almost all movies. The first two lines came as somewhat of an epiphany and this is the result.

Cursed with a heart that feels too deeply

A mind that thinks too freely

 

Emotions and thoughts running right through me

An unwelcome host refusing to free me

 

Forcing their way in to my heart and mind

Enslaving me and all that they find

 

Taking over what’s left of my sleepless nights

I am done…I no longer fight

Author's Note

I don't really know that I like the title for this poem. I struggled with this poem and can't really decide if I like it. If you have any suggestions on the title or anything else I would love to hear them. Thanks!

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

For me, the first line alone said it all,

"Cursed with a heart that feels too deeply"

I feel the same way, its a curse, but also a blessing at the same time. Does that make any sense?

Really enjoyed this, thanks for sharing it with us.
Antonio :)

[Mauricio Montoya]

It got rhythm and rhyme, comes together fine. Great job

[J.Black]

Ok, so the first thing that popped into my head after reading that "Dear john" inspired this, was the song "Set the fir to the third bar"! Hahah!

"I am done…I no longer fight" .. I think alot of people can relate to your poem Carlie, because it's real and very venerable, it almost feels like you've written it for every person out there who's endured the same. Just work abit on your rhyming scheme, there's some things you can fix abit! Not that it needs it or anything, perfection isn't always key in something like this. Mangled and broken is usually how someone feels. Great work!

[R. Nella]

I really like this one. I too am cursed with a mind that thinks too freely. On the rare occasion I have allowed my 'heart' to feel without rationalising, it has only lead to pain, sleepless nights, and feeling enslaved.

Excellent write.

[Elwina]

I love the subject of your poem, I can really relate.
Your sentences are really powerful and as I read them I go straight into the heart of the subject (no pun intended).
I agree with José, this would definitely gain in being expanded.
Who/what is forcing its way ? Why ? Why to the point that you can't fight anymore ?

[José Humilde]

I like the concept of your poem. I think what you have to work on a bit is your flow...here's a suggestion/example to give you an idea of what I mean.


Cursed with a heart that feels too deeply

Doomed(?) with a mind that thinks so freely

There are a few places where you can iron out some rough areas, but I think you can make it work!

I'm just wondering what you are "done" with...maybe it is something you can expand on to make this stronger?

Thanks for sharing!

-JH

p.s. haha, I swear I didn't even notice...I'm from Pocatello, myself. Hello paisana! [countrywoman :) ]