Shy Determination

Something I actually tried on.. Hope you guys like it, (or at least review it, that would help)

Hands folded gracefully upon my lap,
Head made to be held high,
The presence that makes me so shakey,
I look out of the corner of my eye.

And what do I see but a blank expression,
Written across his face,
Oh, I can feel our tension,
Hitting me as if it were a mace.

I try and remember,
The things I have said,
try to find out,
what has been led,

To the questions and answers,
They are so few,
I try and look deeper,
But he gives me no clue.

Will I have to wait then?
A day, a month, a year?
For him to finally see,
That I am not just a peer.

Will he see what I see?
The perfection of us?
Or will he choose to find......
Oh! He must.

Author's Note

Thank you Scaggs! your a spell saver. Anyway, I hope you know that this is what I actually did. I actually thought this (well obviously not in that style.. but i thought the generalization of this) Trust me when I say, I know what I'm doing. (most of the time) and I did my grammar the way I thought would help get you to see my way of thinking, if I didn't accomplish this, or I didn't believe I did, I would not add in the font style and such. Got it? Get it? Good.

Reviews

[Claude]

This captures what we've all felt before in our lives. It is a beautiful determination wrapped in anticipation with a slight hint of desperation. It is lyrical and would make a nice song.

[KatiePie]

This was wonderfully written. I love the flow of this.
-Cathrine

[Ruth]

I like this a lot
Sometimes, people just do not see what is in front of them!lol
Excellent flow to this one!
xx

[Lunar Lightning]

It is "Get it? Got it? Good." Deary, not what you have up there. It's a fairly good poem, though I do think stories are more your style. I can't help but to think of... Well a certain boy you've had a crush on for quite some time who's name starts with a "J" when I read this. Dare I say, it was quite the entertainment. The crush you said had gone away. So you'll need to clarify this for me dear.

Luna

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Rain Kissed Secret,

The correct spelling of the weapon is mace. And thank you for sharing this poem with me. This is a very excellently wrote poem. Wrote in a font size that shows boldness. You do use some past/present verb tenses like in the first stanza, first line should be: My hands are folded gracefully in my lap, or Hands fold gracefully in my lap. Removing redundant words helps create a better flow. Rhythm is a little top heavy. Rhyme is good but if you are having trouble finding a word that rhymes, use a rhyming dictionary... like rhymezone.com. Always helped me out when I needed a particular word. Oh, and don't think it's wrong to use the same word to rhyme twice. Anyways, this is a nice poem. I don't view love as other people do, so I can't really comment much on the topic you've chosen. Thank you for sharing. n_n Kudos. 8.3/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs