The Awaiting Journey

She decided to go back homeland. Go back to the memories and live among it. Although, she is flying to her past, her daughter was flying to her future.

Years now has passed by. Jasmine decided to return to her homeland, Egypt. She left Egypt years ago with her little daughter, Sarah seeking out a new life.  Sarah was still young back then, two years as Jasmine remembers. Jasmine took her away after the divorce, running from all the memories and chose to live faraway. That crucial moment, she never forgot.

                       

                                        *                           *                                     *

“ Do you think running away , is the right thing to do”?

“ Yes, mother. I cannot stay here anymore. I need to look for a better life somewhere else”.

“ You have all Egypt to look in it for a better life, why France”?

“ I just feel, it is the right thing for Sarah. I will have a big opportunity there. I could study and look for a job”.

“ What is the best for my granddaughter is staying here with her family. You are not the first one to get divorced. You are running away. You think this is being strong, you are wrong”!

“ Flight 255 , going to France ,is at gate 55 “. The voice called out.

“ I got to go mother. Wish me good luck”.

                

           *                                 *                             *

She remembered how her mother holding Sarah so tight and didn’t wish to let go. She kissed Jasmine too and wished her safe journey to the unknown.

“Mother, are we really going back to Egypt? After all these years? Why we have not been there before”?

“Sarah, it was a long story. Besides, after your grandmother’s death a year after we left, there was nothing for me there to return”.

“Then why now”?

Jasmine sighed and looked from the plane’s window. The sky was so bright and clear. She started to see all the memories of her past, passing by through that window. Sarah watched her mother’s wondering eyes. 

She wondered herself “Am I going to see him? Will he know after all these years that we are coming back? Maybe he has a new family now”.

Jasmine’s memories were harsh and painful. She learnt by heart who has caused her to live in this alienation for more than twenty years.

            

              *                                *                                    *

“You are the worst woman someone could get married to!!! You are blaming me for sitting with my friends??!! I am lucky I am not being with you”!

“You married me so young! You made us have a baby as soon as possible! You made me leave college and now I am the worst one”??!!

“You never stop nagging about your college! About your daughter! About sitting at home! Do you ever hear yourself”??!

“What you want me to do??! You are always late? You never come home on time. You always go to spend your nights after work with your friends, leaving me alone all day with all the house work and your daughter. You never sit or talk. You never even take us anywhere”!!

“Here, you go again!! Your bla bla !! Do you want me to stay at home beside you? Cook for you maybe or even clean the house?!! Then why did the hell I married you if I was going to do everything myself”?!

“So, now, is it all about having a maid in your home??! I am not a maid! I am a wife! A companion! Your daughter needs care too”!

“A maid would have been more useful than you! And what you want me to do more for my daughter than going to work all day to get her all the things she will need in life”?

“She does not need your money!! She needs her father!! Do you understand”!

“Are you saying I am useless?!! Then maybe you could get her money yourself and forget all about me and let me see if she will need me or not”!

*                     *                                  *

The last thing she heard from him was the banging of the door. She didn’t see him since and few days later, she received her divorce papers. She could remember everything, leaving her with no money, no education or anything to support herself or her daughter. Everything happened as if it was only yesterday.

Sarah looked at her mother. She looked as a heavy cloud full of water, waiting to blast any second with lightening and rain.

“Mother, are you ok”?

Jasmine smiled at Sarah and held her hands.

“It is so hard for me. All my memories are there waiting for me to haunt me. …. Actually, they never did leave me”.

Sarah hesitated for awhile. She wished so much to ask her, but she was afraid from her reaction. She opened and closed her lips couples of times, having thoughts whether or not she could go on with her question. Jasmine knew well her daughter, she told her to say whatever was in her mind with no fears.

“I don’t want to make you sad, mother. But, I really wish to see my…..” she held her words again, afraid of making her mother’s agony back again.

“Sarah, my sweet heart, I know nothing about your father since we got divorced. He never asked about us and so I never cared. I don’t know if he even knew that we left Egypt. I am really sorry my darling, even if you wanted to ask about him, I won’t be able to help”.

Sarah‘s face was filled with grief. Then she hoped “Ok. Do you even remember where he uses to live? Maybe anything could lead to him”?

“All I remember that he had a family house they use to own at a village named KafrelZayat. I went there twice in ritual gatherings at our first year of marriage. I am not sure, if his relative still lived there, but we could try our luck “.

Sarah’s face was filled with joy. She always wondered where her father was, why he was not asking about them. She wanted to know why he left them, why he never cared to know anything about her.

Jasmine was heartbroken. She felt how her daughter was suffering all those years without having her father in her life or even trying to find her a good man that could be one. She knew that day will come sooner or later, but she only hoped by that time her daughter will be grownup enough to understand and forgive.

“Does anyone know we are coming”?

“Yes, my cousin Madiha. Do you remember her? She came to visit us twice in France”.

“Oh yes, I do. But that was ten years ago”.

“Yah, before she got married and got her own children”.

“Is my grandparent’s house is still there”?

“I think so. I never really sold it after your grandmother’s death and I don’t think anything bad has happened to the house”.

“Then, where are we going to stay”?

“At my cousin’s till we could check on the house”.

Sarah’s eyes rolled. She doubted if her mother knew anything and that her decision was not taken in a night and day. Jasmine reading her daughter’s mind, laughed.

“What are you laughing at, mother”?

“I could read your mind, Sarah”.

“Mother, why did you decide to come back”?

“It is our country. It is about time, that you visit it and I was hoping to die back there”.

Sarah’s shock could not be expressed. She didn’t believe what her mother was saying. So was she planning not to return again with her? Was that her plan all along? To leave her and stay behind?

“Sarah, I am getting old now and you are growing up. You will have your family one day and I need to spend the rest of my life having my memories around me”.

Sarah did not speak. She was angry on the decision her mother made without getting back to her or even telling her.

Jasmine seeing her daughter’s faces continued “You are in your early twenties now. I wish to see you married too and have your own kids. I want you to know your relatives and where are you from. I don’t want you to repeat my mistake. I was wrong when I choose to keep away. I should have at least brought you to Egypt in our summer vacations. I was wrong and I thought it was about time”.

“I am not sad; we are finally getting to go to Egypt. I always wished to go, but I was afraid to tell you. You never spoke with me about anything, especially if I asked you about my father. You never showed me pictures of anyone. The only people I got to see were Uncle Omar and Aunt Madiha. But, I was not expecting that you were not coming back with me”.

“I did not tell you to go back to France too”.

“What do you mean”?

“Well, you only have two years left at your college. You could simply finish them and return. I am not telling you to leave me. I cannot live without you, you all what I have “.

“Then, we will return together and then after I finish, we could come back and live in Egypt”.

Jasmine closed her eyes. She looked back at the window again and chose to stay quiet. She didn’t know what to do, she got lost in her thoughts.

                    *                               *                              *

“So, are you telling me that I don’t have much time”?

“I am so sorry Mrs. Jasmine, but the tumor has already started to spread in your body”.

“Is there no hope”?

“Of course, we will start with the chemotherapy and maybe a surgery will help, but I can’t grantee how much. You were late in indentifying the tumor and we could not help much now”.

“How long do you think I have left”.

“According to the scientific calculations, might be from 6 months to a year chance. With the therapy and the surgery, you might extend to two years, we are not sure”.

                *                             *                                *

“Mother, I am talking to you. What are you thinking of”?

“I am sorry my child, I think I was lost in my thoughts”.

“So, will you return with me”?

“I don’t know Sarah. Let’s leave it till the end of the vacation in Egypt “.

Sarah stood from her chair. She wanted to walk about the plane. She wanted her mother so badly to return with her, but she forgot what if she was lucky to find her father? Will she leave him after actually finding him? Will her heart harden enough to leave Egypt and just forget about him, like he did? She imagined the moment, she will see her father, running to his arms, hugging him and throwing kisses all over his body. She took out a picture; she managed to steal from her mother’s wallet fifteen years ago. Her father’s was so young at that time. She tried to envision him with white hair and crimps in his face. She was lucky to have that only picture of him that her mother thought she lost back then. She always visualized her father and how he will meet her if he sees her. How his heart will guide him to know her without any pictures.

She went back to her chair. She found her mother closing her eyes and falling asleep.

“Will you remember me”? Sarah said to herself in a low voice. She looked at her mother again and made sure she was asleep. Then she herself could not prevent her sleepy eyes to close. She went into her sleep, leaving her father’s picture to drop.

An hour later, the captain announced the plane will land safely on the lands of Egypt in ten minutes.

Jasmine woke up by the sound which shook her heart so widely.  Everything was again passing by her sight. What will await her after all those years, what did she miss, who she will find as well. Will she be able to stay, so many questions haunted and only few minutes to find out.

Sarah as well woke up few minutes later. She put her hands into her pocket to check on her father’s picture which she didn’t feel. She got up shockingly, she looked everywhere, but she could not find it.

“What is wrong, Sarah? Did you lose something”?

“I can’t find it mother. It was in my hands just before I fell asleep. I was holding it! I thought I had put it back into my pocket! It is gone as if vanished”!

“What was it”?

Sarah tears fell on her soft cheeks, feeling so desperate; she said “my father’s picture”…

Jasmine felt as if her heart fell from its place. She stood and hugged her daughter so tight. She never knew how much it really mattered with her. She sighed so loudly that her heart was about to jump from its place. She held her daughter’s face with her two hands “We will find it my dear. We will keep looking and we will find him together”.

They kept looking and searching under the chairs, behind them and under the chairs in front of them. The plane started to land, but they didn’t care. They kept looking and searching. The plane landed and everyone started to leave the plane, but they kept looking for that hope. They were the only ones on the plane, but they didn’t leave, a hope was still there hanging out to be found. That hope, they agreed to find together.

The Beginning 

Author's Note

Kindly I would like to know any grammar mistakes, opinion, critique on style/technique or anything you would like to say, thank you

Reviews

[ROSALIND]

Very touching and heart breaking, I to lost my Mother to cancer in 2013....

[sohadtolba]

Thank you so much for taking time to read it. i really appreciate it

[sohadtolba]

I am sorry. I hope you were able to get through the loss. Cancer is being the new ghost haunting everybody down, taking away our beloved ones.

[ROSALIND]

And my mother had mental health problems we had a vrey difficuilt relationship....a lot of abuse towards me......as a child. She fell out with me for three years..and died rejecting me ..

[sohadtolba]

I am so sorry to hear that