The Old Gift Box

The night could not get any livelier for Jiena, the happiest girl in the Jefferson’s home. From afar, the house was easily noticeable for the decoration of colourful lights and balloons was the fashion of sight, far from portraying your average birthday party. Jiena had just turned sixteen on this very day and her parents, knowing how much it meant to her, had thrown a huge birthday bash! Teenagers crowded the house. The food spread was surrounded by girls and guys, still figuring out what food they wanted to try out first. The birthday girl looked beautiful in her pink and white dress, clearly made especially for the occasion. 

The house was blasted with loud music and the lively atmosphere was finally broken when Jiena called out, “PRESENTS!”  Jiena, being the popular girl at school as she was, received a pile of expensive and branded gifts. From handbags to shoes, to a new dress and make-up set, it was no surprise she had a huge grin on her face and glistering sparks in her eyes. After every single present was open, big and small, her friends called it a night and left the party, walked under the stars, with happy hearts. 

Jiena’s mum, Mrs. Jefferson, was extremely happy for her daughter. After the family of five cleaned up the house, including Mr. Jefferson and Jiena’s elder brothers, Mark and Steven, Mrs. Jefferson remembered the one more gift she still had for Jiena, and a no ordinary gift it was. She went into her room and took the gift out from the cupboard, which as it looked, was put in a box and wrapped with shiny golden wrapper, a red ribbon tied on top. She smiled to herself and rushed back downstairs to give it to Jiena. Her daughter was indeed excited. The box wasn’t that heavy and she could only guess that it could have been some CDs or clothes. She really hoped that it was that Liz Claiborne pink blouse she had wanted! The beautiful wrapping did show that it had to be something expensive.

“Open it dear,” her mum said. Jiena smiled as she gazed into her mother’s warm brown eyes. How exciting! Carefully, she opened the ribbon and then the cover of the box. When she did so, she was surprised to see what was inside. It was filled with things! Not even new things, all looked either like it had been in this box for ages or was made to look so. Inside, were piles of letters, old notes, faded pictures and even a collection of origami stars? As she rummaged through it, she even saw crumbled bits of what seemed to have been pressed orchid flowers. Jiena felt quirky and her mother did sense her ‘quirkiness’ too by the look her daughter gave. Mrs. Jefferson took Jiena by the hand, led her to the sofa and took the box along too. “This box,” her mother said slowly, “belonged to your grandmother. This is her collection of her precious memories. Just like this one,” she took out a letter which was first in the pile, “Her acceptance letter to college. It made my grandfather, her father, the happiest man alive. It was all he ever wanted, to see her successful and educated.”

 

Jiena wanted to say something but before she could her mum took out another a picture from the box. It was a picture of a beautiful young woman. Jiena could have guessed who it was. “Grandma” she said softly, and looked at her mother, who nodded with agreement, her lips quivering as she controlled her tears. Jiena looked at the picture again. She closed her eyes and breathed, “Grandma.”

 

Jiena had lost her grandmother when she was 8 years old, exactly 8 years ago. Growing up, she had been very close to her. On weekdays when her parents were busy with work, Jiena would spend her mornings reading story books or even watching the television with her grandma. They would take turns watching their favourite television shows. On Monday it would be grandma’s favourite Korean drama series and the next day, it would be Jiena’s turn to watch her favourite cartoon character, Donald Duck! Even though they had their own favourites, in time, they slowly learnt to like each other’s favourites too. They were both very different, but certainly, opposites do attract. Jiena thought of her grandma again, “What would Grandma have said if she knew that I had just debated on the topic ‘Donald Duck should wear pants’ in my school debate club.” Jiena gave a small laugh and shook her head. Simultaneously, her mother was looking through some of the other photos of her dear, dear mother. With each photograph she saw, her breathing became heavier and her eyes became evidently red. Jiena understood. But she told herself " I won’t cry. I won’t cry. I won’t cry.

 

She remembered how her grandmother used to tell her stories about meeting her prince when she grew up, marrying him and living happily ever after in a beautiful castle. She remembered how her grandmother used to brush her hair with that silvery white comb she loved using. Jiena remembered how they used to share the wild berries juice at the famous ‘Super Juicer’ shop down town, because it was too much for her to finish alone. Her grandmother was like her best friend. She had done everything to make Jiena happy. She remembered how her grandmother’s friends used to tell her, “Have some limits Emma! One day that sweet lil’ angel of yours might turn spoilt rotten!” And to these statements grandma will always reply, “As long as she is spoilt by me!” she’ll say with a wink, a big smile from cheek to cheek. 

Jiena held on to the box and slowly, she lifted some of the stars. They were of all colours, blue, green, and yellow, pink, red and some were even multi-coloured. Next to the stars was a note, which said ‘Dear Emma, Happy 16th birthday! Count the stars every day before you sleep. Your best friend, David.’ Jiena could feel a rush of heat in her eyes. Her grandmother was loved by many. In her stack of letters were letters from her friends, family and there was even an autographed picture of John Lennon! Surely she was dreaming. There were also friendship bracelets and little charms that resembled stars and hearts. As Jiena looked deeper into the box, she also found a ballpoint pen engraved with her grandmother’s name. Such beautiful things her grandma owned, such a wonderful life she had lived.

 

Suddenly, her mother got up and took her car keys, while wiping the tears in her eyes she called out to her husband, “We’re going to the hospital for awhile.” Jiena smiled and followed her mum; she couldn’t wait to see her grandmother. Jiena had never lost her grandmother from life, but her grandmother had lost herself on the way. “Alzheimer’s” All that is left is her precious memories in a box. Memories that Jiena said to herself, “Will I never forget.”

Author's Note

Do give whatever feedback you may have. Appreciate it :)

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

"all looked either it" Did you mean "all looked either like it"?

"what seemed had used to have been pressed orchid flowers" Take out the "had used". With it, this sentence is really convoluted and doesn't make much sense.

"And to these statements grandma will always reply, “As long as she is spoilt by me!” she’ll say with a wink, a big smile from cheek to cheek." Take out either "will either reply" or "she'll say". Also, this is phrased as though she hasn't said it yet. But since it is a memory, it should be phrased in past tense.

"It was of all colours" since you're talking about more than one star, this should be "They were"

"Count the stars everyday" Although "everyday" is an actual word, this is not the right use. It is only used as one word when used as an adjective (such as "everyday clothig). In this case, it should be two words.

This is a very heartfelt piece about the loss of a grandparent. Sometimes death isn't the only kind of loss. However, for me, this piece used passive voice too much. It kind of deadens a write to constantly use passive rather than active voice. You should try to avoid using To Be verbs (be, is, am, are, were). For instnace, instead of saying, "The house was crowded with teenagers" you could say "Teenagers crowded the house". It seems like an insignificant change, but it would really help to liven up the piece, make it more active. Other than that, I really liked this. Treasure your memories, and the people you shared them with, because you never know when you might lose them, or how. I'm glad the most meaningful gift for Jiena wasn't someting expensive or name-brand, but something far more valuable. Great write and thanks for the RR.

[Jeremy Wyatt]

Aww this is a bittersweet thing, I work at a home with mant Alzheimers residents and it is a tough thing for the relatives. A good read here, thank you x

[compositionc]

That was a sad story. I kind of almost cried.
Great piece.

[Kevin Vorshak]

Not a bad piece of writing for your first submission. You did a pretty nice job of bringing the feelings out about Jiena's grandmother through the picture in the box. I'm afraid this is not exactly what I was looking for for the 'Missing Time' contest, but it was still a fun read. Keep at it Sofea.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong story. The good people when we lose them to sickness leave us sad. But I believe we must return their gift of love to them. Life is a fair circle. I like the flow and the description of a life. A very good ending to a excellent story. When we share love and kindness. It will be return to us one day.
Coyote