I didn't believe into destiny....until I did.

A Story by HowwoH

The story of how I met the mother of my future children (or so I hope)

It was a normal Friday afternoon, at about 18:30, I was rushing on my bike to my extra English class. I was late.

Normally, I would sit right in front of a lovely girl who was actually interested in me (Or so I thought....but I swear I couldn't have read the wrong signal). But that day, those b******s just filled up every other seats in that column (the benchens are placed in columns). They only left 2 seats, one next to that lovely honey behind me and the other next to a new student in the very front seat.

I thought: "Damn you all, do you think you can tell me where to sit? I'm showing you I'm not to be controlled". Now, come to think of it, I'd say to myself "What the hell was I thinking? That was more than a chance to get on with that cute chick behind me? Seriously, what the hell was I thinking..."

I eventually approached the newly-enrolled student in the front bench. All of a sudden, I spoke utterly politely! It's like the most polite thing I've ever said to a total stranger. And that stranger was a girl.

From a glance, I can tell that she was a lil bit diffrent from other girls I've met. Her hair was different! I don't know how it is to you in your contries, but in my place, all girls seem to have this exactly same hair style. They tend to have a bunch of hair left on the forehead on one side (instead of having them lined neatly to the back of the head) and use their hands to "brush" them so that the hair won't cover one of their eyes. (It's like Japanese pop stars)

And I can't stand it. Not that I bear any grudges against Japanese or anything, I just can't stand the way they mimic the same thing for thousand times. I just don't like the hair style, anyway.

But that girl, she was different. Her hair was neatly combed and tied at the back. Such easy hair style like that is the one thing I've been searching for so long!

That gave me alot of good impression about her.

Then as I said, I greeted with the most polite way possible and asked her whether I can join her on that bench. And the answer was yes (....maybe not because of my handsomeness...but I'd like to think so, and you should do too!). Accompanying that answer was a smile.

I was speechless

Nah, I kid! I was just fine. How could one smile swept me off my feet. Haha. I'm not the kind of guy who got struck by lighting in broad daylight that easy!

So I sat down next to her, happily thinking I showed those b******s a thing or two. (I called them "b******s", just as the way you would call your girl friends "b*****s", nothing big you know, like in "How ya doin', ya b*****d?")And I kept acting as if nothing had happened. I started to talk and introduced myself to the girl next to me.

She was friendly! And the introduction went well.

And it was when we talked that I started to notice a few things. The girl was, somehow, covered with such "dust of purity". I don't know why but I got the feeling like she never knew about those dirty jokes that I (and you) look for to laugh at every day. Though she appeared to be somewhat quiet, I won't say she was a shine girl. She's just not talking, that's all. In a nutshell, she the sort who knows what to say, what to do and tends not to scatter her words.

I soon forgot how I successfully thwarted a plan to control me. I was more into something else now.

The lesson ended, I could only remember calling some of those b******s, telling them "Hey, next time, just sit the way you do today and I'll get you some snacks, eh?"

To be continued (or not)

© 2014 HowwoH

Author's Note

Even if you've just skimmed through, thanks! Even if you haven't even dipped into it at all, thanks.
Anyway, I tried my best not to make grammatical errors. However, such thing may happen. So if it does (which is most likely), please correct! I'll be more than greatful.
Tell me what you think about the tone, the story so far, or tell me what ever you want.
Finally, on the scale of 10, please rate it (you can give it minus 5 if you want to emphasize it, though....)
Have good time!

My Review

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Reviews

Surya Mayim

The best parts are when you are really letting us into the narrators head. The paragraph that starts with 'From a glance...' That is solid. I felt like I possessed his point of view. Of course, that's the goal, right? I mean for writer, writing fiction. Anyway, the next paragraph I liked a lot, the one where you mention the 'dust of purity' that was also very introspective in a way that made your character feel like a real person. I could imagine myself thinking those kinds of thoughts about someone or something or some place. I'm sure if I understand what you mean by 'dust of purity' but it sounds poetic so I liked reading the words. But you might consider elaborating for the reader to make it more clear. Like, I don't know, there are probably several ways to that, or you could just skip it altogether. But I do like the sentiment. The suggestion I want to give you is to write more passages like the two I mentioned. In the first paragraph, for instance, after you set the scene briefly, by telling us how you're rushing off to class at 6:30 in the evening, I think a strong choice would be to tell us what you're seeing. Open that portal into your characters head straight away. When I read a story I like to know something about the person. Has he lived in the place his whole life. Do the buildings or the parks offer any special memories about his mom or pop or long lost lover? Does riding his bike at this time of day, in this place have any special significance? You imply that he does this regularly, rides his bike to class on Friday evenings, so, as a reader, I immediately wondered what he was feeling about that. Did the sameness annoy him? The repetition, I mean. Or does it reassure him. Does seeing lots of pretty girls casually strolling to the pub or the library, or wherever, make him think about that hot tart he can't wait to see at the lecture hall? See what I mean? I'm not suggesting you give us his entire life history, just a little more to go on, so the reader knows who this dude is. So, yeah, if you're hearing what I'm saying, there are lots of choices to improve this story. But, that said, I think it has promise. I don't know how self-aware you are about the choices you make as a writer, everyone's at a different level of development, yet, whether purposefully, or by chance, the window you give us into your character's soul is real, and readable. I enjoyed those parts. I just think you could open a little wider for us, that's all. Overall, reading this piece taught really one fact that I'll take away, you have a poetic spirit, and that's 99% of the reason we desire to create anything beautiful. There is, an the other hand, the menacing necessity all artists must reconcile between their passion and their lack of pragmatism. You gotta learn the craft the same way you learned to graph a hyperbole, through trial, error, and repetition. Oh, and the willingness to not take anything to seriously. I mean, come on, nothing's forever. I also noticed you wanted reviewers to rate this story on a scale of 1-10. Sorry, but I can't do that, not in good faith. The arbitrary, inherently contradictory nature of those kinds of rating systems rarely work for art. They really don't work for rating the relative hotness of a prospective sexual partner either. But I digress. My world view is far too subjective to cheapen my experience, or the experience of others by doing that. I mean am I supposed to compare your words to other beginning writers, or Ernest freaking Hemingway. How about this instead? The parts I liked I really liked, and the parts that needed improvement aren't that bad. Good luck friend.

Posted 10 Years Ago

The best parts are when you are really letting us into the narrators head. The paragraph that starts with 'From a glance...' That is solid. I felt like I possessed his point of view. Of course, that's the goal, right? I mean for writer, writing fiction. Anyway, the next paragraph I liked a lot, the one where you mention the 'dust of purity' that was also very introspective in a way that made your character feel like a real person. I could imagine myself thinking those kinds of thoughts about someone or something or some place. I'm sure if I understand what you mean by 'dust of purity' but it sounds poetic so I liked reading the words. But you might consider elaborating for the reader to make it more clear. Like, I don't know, there are probably several ways to that, or you could just skip it altogether. But I do like the sentiment. The suggestion I want to give you is to write more passages like the two I mentioned. In the first paragraph, for instance, after you set the scene briefly, by telling us how you're rushing off to class at 6:30 in the evening, I think a strong choice would be to tell us what you're seeing. Open that portal into your characters head straight away. When I read a story I like to know something about the person. Has he lived in the place his whole life. Do the buildings or the parks offer any special memories about his mom or pop or long lost lover? Does riding his bike at this time of day, in this place have any special significance? You imply that he does this regularly, rides his bike to class on Friday evenings, so, as a reader, I immediately wondered what he was feeling about that.  Did the sameness annoy him? The repetition, I mean. Or does it reassure him. Does seeing lots of pretty girls casually strolling to the pub or the library, or wherever, make him think about that hot tart he can't wait to see at the lecture hall? See what I mean? I'm not suggesting you give us his entire life history, just a little more to go on, so the reader knows who this dude is. So, yeah, if you're hearing what I'm saying, there are lots of choices to improve this story. But, that said, I think it has promise. I don't know how self-aware you are about the choices you make as a writer, everyone's at a different level of development, yet, whether purposefully, or by chance, the window you give us into your character's soul is real, and readable. I enjoyed those parts. I just think you could open a little wider for us, that's all. Overall, reading this piece taught really one fact that I'll take away, you have a poetic spirit, and that's 99% of the reason we desire to create anything beautiful. There is, an the other hand, the menacing necessity all artists must reconcile between their passion and their lack of pragmatism. You gotta learn the craft the same way you learned to graph a hyperbole, through trial, error, and repetition. Oh, and the willingness to not take anything to seriously. I mean, come on, nothing's forever. I also noticed you wanted reviewers to rate this story on a scale of 1-10. Sorry, but I can't do that, not in good faith. The arbitrary, inherently contradictory nature of those kinds of rating systems rarely work for art. They really don't work for rating the relative hotness of a prospective sexual partner either. But I digress. My world view is far too subjective to cheapen my experience, or the experience of others by doing that. I mean am I supposed to compare your words to other beginning writers, or Ernest freaking Hemingway. How about this instead? The parts I liked I really liked, and the parts that needed improvement aren't that bad. Good luck friend.

Rating /100