A Hard Decision

my attempt to cure my writers block

“You’re dumping me?”

I sigh and breathe warm air on my freezing hands. They are raw and cold, even blowing on them brings no feeling back to my fingers.

He looks at me incredulously; his eyes wide and full of hurt. His mouth is slightly parted; as if he knows what he wants to say, but can’t find his voice to say them. I look down and the dull gray sidewalk, pretending to be fascinated with the accumulating snow.

“Yes.”

He takes a sharp intake of breathe. I can feel his gaze scorching my face; his eyes portraying the anger and confusion he is trying hard hide. But even as his stare dares me to look at him, I refuse to meet his eyes,

“Why?” he asks quietly. “Why now, why so suddenly?”

I tactfully avoid his question by busily studying the sky. Streaked with gray clouds and tiny fractures of light, snow falls gently and plentiful. His hair is speckled with the pure white dots, as I am sure mine is as well. A gust of wind whips my hair around, creating a curtain I wish I could hide behind. As the breeze dies down, my cover is gone.

“Well?”

“I don’t know.”

As I utter those three words, the tense silence is shattered. I feel his anger, his sadness; its surrounds me, choking me.

“What do you mean you don’t know? You are breaking up with me, but you don’t know why?” he shouts. His face is red and his jaw clenched tight. I wished I could escape. I don’t want to be caught in the emotional turmoil I am about to witness.

“I don’t need to explain myself to you.” I point out. My voice remains even and cool, but my body is tense and rigid.

The scowl on his face deepens as my patience wanes. This was supposed to be quick, like ripping off a band aid. No emotional attachment. But yet, as I proceed with my plan, I can’t help but realize my original decision to be cold and indifferent is not exactly working out. I feel sympathetic, but I also feel guilt.

“But I love you.” he whispers. My facade starts to crumble when I look at his face. The face I adored for five long months holds an emotion I never wanted to see. He feels devastated, betrayed even. He’s heartbroken.

“I know.”

“What else could you want? What else could I give you?” His voice level rises, frustration evident in his tone. He doesn’t understand, he doesn’t get what he’s done wrong.

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to us?” His voice cracks.

I swallow all emotions and paste on the most detached look I can muster. I hold back the bitter tears, and pray my eyes are as cold as the newly fallen snow. I empty my heart of all the adoration, all the love that I have for the person standing in front of me.

“Because you deserve better.”

His face pales and his expression reads shocked.

“How can you ever say that?”

“Because I mean it.”

My cold words are like a knife to the stomach. He stands there, stricken, his voice failing him once more.

“I’m leaving you because you could never leave me.”

“But…but I never wanted to leave you!” he exclaims his voice desperate and frantic.

“I know, and that’s why I’m leaving you.” I say gently.

“Hannah, don’t do this, we can work…” he starts. I shake my head, motioning for him to stop.

“This is for the best. Just don’t forget me, ok? At least, not right away.”

With a half- wave, I turn away from him. I walk down the dull gray sidewalk, my shoes crunching the snow. I wipe away a lone tear before anymore can mare the mask of indifference I chose to wear.

“For what it’s worth,” he calls to me, emotion trembling in his voice, “I still love you.”

I don’t look back. Instead, I choke back tears threatening to leak; inhaling, and then exhaling loudly.

“I know.” I whisper softly. My voice is drown out by the fury of the wind; a loud, moaning sound, making the trees shiver and their flimsy branches creating showers of snow.

“I know, that’s why I’m letting you go.”

Author's Note

Review please!!!

Reviews

[beautiful dreamer]

awwwe.... :'(

[C.C. Marx]

Don't be sad, sometimes stories are just stories :) thanks for the review!!