All Cashed Out

A found poem I wrote a few years ago.

I'm not okay.
My blue jeans lie while I'm trying to explain
it all to you.
"Because you're mine, I walk the line."
Part of me wants to believe everything you say,
fall head first into your arms. 
Catch me when I fall from gracious.
I'm lost inside turquoise emotions.
My heart can't beat any harder.
My blood can't be anymore blue.
There's no mystery left in my eyes or heart.
There's just me living  each day for all I can.
"Because you're mine, I walk the line."
It's where I found you, laid down.
Right next to your skin that I've buried myself in.
I can't smile anymore.
I mean, of course I can.
Loving? Loving makes you stronger,
makes the smiles last.
And I'm jogging towards you.
It's a race that I don't have to win
but I do have to finish.
Asking myself, "Am I fast enough?"
"Am I strong enough?"
Do you believe I can make it to you?
Do you believe that it can just be that easy?
You want me to be okay,
but I can't relax.
Nothing about you doesn't cause stress.
My mind is so conflicted, blue jeans lying...
"Because you're mine, I walk the line."
You'll never be mine, I'll never be yours.
My whole life has been so uncertain,
now I'm sure I'll spend the rest of my life 
zigzagging,
even though the fastest route is a straight line.
If you were truly mine, I'd walk the line.