Chapter 1: Thinking

She closes her eyes.

Wednesday, July 29

 

When I woke up that morning, I knew. I knew what had happened to me the night before.

I was still on the couch, unmoved. It was as if I fell there and never breathed again. Never tossed over or moved my head.

I didn’t feel the need to ever want to move again. Except to stare at the ceiling. I didn’t care. I just wanted to be left alone, no matter how long that took.

 

 

 

Monday July 27

When you’re late, you feel late.

“Terrie! If you want breakfast you have to get down here, now!” Mom shouted from downstairs while I was tugging on pants and a new stripped shirt from downtown.

“Then just give me a pop-tart!” I yelled back, looking at the clock on my night-stand. 6:10 AM flashed back at me in neon red. I groaned.

I was still putting on eyeliner and powder foundation, with my pants still barely on me and my shirt not all the way down, when I could hear the bus squeaking to a halt at the road before mine.

I grabbed my three-year-old book bag and black, canvas purse, which I was so proud of, and ran down the stairs. Pausing to grab my green, slip on Converses, I headed out the front door. I could hear Mom running out the door after me, yelling about pop tarts, but I kept running.

When I reached the end of the road, I slid smoothly between the shutting doors. the bus driver, Ms. Miller, started screeching in her high pitched voice about my shirt revealing my stomach. I gave her the look that she gave me every morning, the I-could-kill-you look, and walked past her, looking at her out of the corner of my eye as I tugged on my shirt. She jerked the bus in drive before I could sit down, making me grab the seats so I wouldn’t fall.

It was miserable having to ride the bus when you were supposed to have a car like every 17-18 year old at Covered High School. Mom just wouldn’t let me have a car. “There was no reason” apparently.

We arrived at 6:45 A.M. like usual. When I was the last to weeble-wobble off the bus, Ms. Miller gave me the look and I returned it with a very sarcastically cheerful smile. Once my foot hit pavement, the doors snapped shut. Jamie or “Jay” ran up and hugged me. He had been my best friend since forever and was by far the gayest guy in all of Covered.

“Girl, have I got to tell you what happened to me!” he squealed in my ear, his boney arms poking into my neck.

“What could have possibly happened to you in the span of 5 hours?” I replied, feeling my eyes bug out a little.

“Adam Tevered asked me out!” He squealed again. As if sensing that I wasn’t as excited as he was, he pushed back from me so he could check to see if his senses were right.

I looked at him and blinked. “No kidding,” I started walking to the school and he followed, elaborately giving me every detail on the official betrothal. As if I cared at 7 in the morning.

For a gay guy, Jamie pulled it off easily. He was the best dresser, best make-up artist and easily passed for the best girl in the entire school. When he walked by, girls and the other gay guys looked at him as if he were the devil. Needless to say, he was proud. When I came in having a “bad fashion day”, he jerked me into a bathroom and held me hostage. Although I couldn’t complain about the end results. He was 6"2 with perfect blue eyes and perfectly straight, perfectly volumned brown hair that would make a model cry. He ran every morning before school, ate healthy and thought of himself as the future queen of all magazines. Just to torture him, I ate chocolate in his face.

We walked through the hallway to my art class, passing all the cliques. I noticed Lily Murray had another soul to feast on. In front of her stood Michael Mileson, who was, by popular vote, handsomest guy in all of Covered High. Lily was the common I-am-everything that you hear about in every movie. From head Varsity cheerleader to last years’ Prom Queen, you can name it and she has been there and done it or is in the process of succeeding it. Miss popularity was also the biggest drama queen in our rising junior class. Her number one priority and goal was to make others want to be her, envy her and loathe her. When she flips her shiny, brown hair, you can hear girls from six classes down moan and groan with hatred. The she-devil looked over at her arch-nemesis, Jay, and made a perfect scowl. Jamie ignored her.

Lily is commonly known to make the unknown students, known, but make them into pet clones and slaves. She tried to pull it off on Jamie. The only difference is that not only was he well known, he turned her down in the cafeteria at her table. She hasn’t returned to the cafeteria since. She never touched me, though. From second grade to present day, she’s never talked to me or noticed me. Jamie said she hated me because I had everything she didn’t: the blond hair with green eyes and dark eyelashes, tall and completely without a care in the world. Jamie also referred to her as Hitler and we were the Jews. I called him racist.

We kept walking. Just as Jamie finished his last chapter in details, I saw my ex-boyfriend. The one that I successfully shattered and destroyed. Sam Conway. To make the situation worse, his new friends were with him. They weren’t where they usually hung out, which was outside where no one ever went. It’s kind of like Mars versus Earth, no one ever goes there except the current inhabitants. And even then, you’re not entirely sure they’re there. Typically the nerdy kids stood at that corner, but apparently the nerdy kids were just as afraid of them as everyone else. Except me.

Sam is the boy-next-door hot. He was also my first love. Ever since I broke him and pounded him down into dust fragments, he hasn’t been the same. He turned to solitude that hates talking to everyone else. Just like his new friends. According to everyone else, though, he was the pack leader. When he goes, they go. And apparently he still wasn’t controlling. That's what had caught my eye the first time. We both loved the same things and we were middle-class kids; neither “in” nor “out” of the social class.

I sighed and looked down at my feet. Out of all the ways and days to go to class, we had to go this way and Sam had to choose this day.

“Are you even paying attention to me?” Jamie asked, impatiently, his voice raising an octave. He looked in the direction I had been looking in and said “Oh.” I looked at the wall as if it were interesting in every way possible when I felt Sam looking at me. My heart fluttered, but I kept walking. Occasionally I would glance at Jamie and tug on my book bag, trying to stay calm and keep my cheeks from heating up like red balloons.

“Yes, I was listening,” I muttered under my breath. He just rolled his eyes and continued on with his story, obviously not believing me.

We passed by Sam and I could feel his group watching me. My heart started beating furiously. I wanted to have the guts and integrity to wave, smile, or even say, “hello”, but I was truly too shy and scared of what he would do. I wasn't sure if he would walk up to me and start yelling or if he would ignore me. Either way, I would be heartbroken and disappointed. Therefore, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I called it embarrassment, but Jamie called it being stupid.

We rounded the corner and were standing in front of my classroom when Jay pulled me in for a hug. “You are dumb if you can’t talk to him about it, but whatever.” With that he pushed me into the classroom just as the tardy bell sounded. You could hear him down the hall as he flirted with passerbies.

I went to take my seat in the back. You could still hear people roaming around aimlessly in the hallways with teachers at their heels, yelling at them to hurry the pace. It was an everyday thing. Every class was an hour and thirty minutes long. So listening to three teachers, usually four, but I had early release, for an hour and thirty minutes was like trying to stab a pencil in your eye. Third block was twice as long due to lunch. Our only hope in life relied on lunch and I had to wait the longest to get there.

 

 

Reviews

[Ice Girl]

That was really great!