Promiscuous Girl - A Betrayal

Heartbreak

"Please, you need this, I can’t tell you, you need to see this with your own eyes, please, do it for me."
Her lips are quivering and she's scared, she doesn’t want to do what she’s doing but she has to, she’s my best friend and she has to, for the sake of my sanity, she has to.
I force my legs to move and I stand and I walk, it never felt so hard. I take it step by step, one foot in front of the other, my body feels weak, I feel like I’m walking the green mile. I feel like I’m about to be murdered, devoured by the evil that the world and people dish out every single day, the pure f*****g hatred in every society, forcing the feeling that no-one should be happy, no-one can be happy.
I’m up the stairs I’m near the door.
I take a deep breath. It’s the longest walk I’ve ever made.
I make it through the door and to the chest of drawers. I use all the strength I can muster, I feel like I’m being suffocated, I snatch at the drawer pulling it out and watching as it crashes to the floor and then smashes into pieces.
I see the diary on top of the underwear, bright red like the devil, bright red like sin.
I pick it up and I open it.
I turn the pages.
I scan them with my eyes.
I’m scared and I’m afraid, I’ve had my heart broken once before.
My hands shake, much worse than even Parkinson’s disease could ever manage.
I’m suffocated.
I turn the pages.
I scan them with my eyes.
I reach a page.
I reach the page that she is talking about.
My eyes stop, dead.

I read it. My fears are confirmed.

I drop to the floor.
I crack my arm against the drawer but I don’t feel the pain.
I feel sick I want to vomit.
It’s disgusting and I can’t breath.
My world begins to cave in, in tatters.
The walls begin to close in on me. I feel insignificant. The white walls are closing in, closer and closer and I want them to. Crush me, smash me into a thousand little pieces.
I don’t want to be here anymore, my eyes hurt, the words hurt, my hands are shaking and they won’t stop. A tear drops from my eyes and onto the paper and it spreads out in a circle like the ripples of a calm lake disturbed.
Deceit and betrayal it’s too much to bear.
I have walked the green mile and I have been put to death.
I see my heart in the middle of the floor, broken in two but still beating, slowly and painfully but still beating.

I trusted her, I trusted her, I let my guard down and now I am destroyed. I feel two feet tall, insignificant.

My life is a pane of glass and it has been thrown to the ground without reason and without care and it has smashed into a million shards, each one is an emotion, each one is a agony, each one is filled with broken words and broken promises, every one has jagged edges, painful and sharp like the insert from the diary.
I don’t know where to turn.
I shake my head as the gates are opened, tears running from my eyes like a river. Warm salty tears sending shivers throughout my body and running down my cheekbones. I'm crying, I’m fifteen years old and I'm crying, desolate and heartbroken
My heart on the floor has stopped beating, it is torn in two and it has stopped beating, it’s covered in blood and it is lifeless.
My best friend tries to console me but I'm past been consoled.
"I’m sorry I’m really sorry, I couldn’t let you go on without knowing you needed to know I’m sorry, " she wails.
I’m speechless. I can’t speak for tears as I taste them on my lips, my cheeks, my whole face, everywhere, bitter salty and warm.
She embraces me and we’re both crying, we’re both crying hard and she hugs me tight so tight that I never want her to let go. I’m safe in her arms.
Our tears join together and from rain, it’s heartfelt painful acidic rain. From one best friend to another, a pure love without bias or agenda. There are no words and there doesn't need to be.
Silence.
Painful and bitter, pure and beautiful.

Reviews

[Claws Of Fury]

This gave me the chills. Good job! Excellent writing and the ending was a perfect way to close this story.

[Lynx]

Amazing story, though focusing much more on the emotions rather than the events, which at the same time makes a reader curious but the story much more impactful.

I loved the way her best friend came to console her at the end. Most of these types of stories nowadays tell about how they find life empty, blah blah blah and then they kill themselves. This one seems quite different, two thumbs up for you! xD and my smiley thing, xD.

[Nita]

Powerful and good, and virtually no grammar or spelling mistakes. Loved it.

[Chloe]

So many readers can relate to this piece, truly criticizing, and utterly beautiful. It seemed as though I was there experiencing your descriptions with my own eyes. Truthfully, I ate it all up and almost felt tears of my own. Superb job.

[Kaylan Katz [is writing..]

Utterly astonishing.
You write and I feel as if I'm your shadow as your walk through your betrayal.
You truely have a way with connecting with your readers with your writing.
I know exactly the feelings you describe- it hurts, and you pain is my pain when I read this.

Great job :)

[b.allen]

i like how you listed things
it makes it more realistic and very relateble
i really enjoyed reading it
veru good.

[Bubo]

Betrayal, a very emotional write, and something I expect so many readers can relate to, the dread of
finding out, one part of you wanting to know and the other not, the pain is felt in your words and the
destruction of finally knowing.
Very in depth and descriptive.

[Nyida Strong]

Well done! I love how you list the emotions of heartbreak without being so cliche. The desciption of the heart being a shattered pane of glass was very good.

"Every shard is an emotion, every shard is agony..."

I just loved it. So beautifully painful.

N. Strong

[Everett DeValle]

Undaunted display of emotions. I love everything about your work. The title drew me in and everything else was splendid. We talk about the pain of carnal pleasure and we put ourselves in that position at times. Where we can feel jaded about things. And we are blessed when an angel comes unannounced to comfort us through those times. Great work. ~Ev

[Catherine Aubrey Anne]

Its nice. You could write in a very detailed story around this, or you can leave it like it is and let us imagine what you are talking about and feeling, and what your relationship is with this person. I almost prefer that because it's lets the reader apply their own meaning.
For the sake of being picky, you start to drift off a little when you say that you've had your heart broken once before. It's a really unwelcome distraction because there is so much going on in that moment already. I really like it, I would just change that one line if it were mine.