Going Under

Self-Destruct

I swallow the contents of the bottle, the now lukewarm salty liquid, forcing it to descend down my throat against all my bodies wishes and attempts to reject it, to keep it out, and stopping the ever rising vomit from coming the other way up my throat, stapling it to my stomach where it belongs and where it will stay, at least until its over.

I pass the bottle back to my friend and I take a seat next to somebody. A bag of Ket is passed around the room like its a game at a kids party, each person frantically opening it and taking some from inside, onto the key and up into their nostrils and their systems. Ten minutes pass as I wait for the salty liquid to do its worst, my fingers and toes tingling with its effects and waiting for the big bang, at least wondering if it will come this time. Twenty minutes pass and I start to feel uncomfortable. Two more keys of Ket fail to help, merely pushing me to the limit, delicately poised on the everlasting line of safety, the choices of either slipping into a Ket hole or keeping relative control, fucked out of my head but still knowing where I am at least. I start to fidget. I'm uneasy and I can't sit still. I try to keep comfort but it's lost. My blood boils and my body secretes sweat from anywhere it can, my armpits, my hands, my genitals, my legs and my eyes, high volumes of sweat, forming rivers and oceans streaming down my body like a sponge under a tap that won't stop running, soaking me through and marinating my flesh like a chicken I would eat for dinner. Stage two hits and my eyes begin to close, hindering my vision, restricting it to only darkness and shadows. Unable to see freely, I begin to panic. Maybe I'm going to die tonight.

I start to claw at my hair, ripping and tearing, scraping at my scalp with my fingernails, trying to snap out of it and get back to the promised land, a feeling rising throughout my body and closing in all around me inflicting shivers of blistering heat, sweat like I've never felt before, opening, closing, insecure, tearing at my flesh trying to force it out and to rid itself, the feeling too much to bare, confused, vulnerable and terrified I try to scream. I hear people speaking around me but all I see is shadows and darkness, their voices echoing as if I were in a tunnel but unable to make out their words. I stand and I fall and the room spins like I've had too much alcohol, like I'm sat on a carousel and I can't get off. I try to scream, to even speak, but there are no words, only silence, my mouth barely moving and my voice box broken, out of use and inept. I sweat more profusely than before; drowning in the river as my stomach churns and rolls around inside me like it shouldn't be there, like it isn't needed. Unfamiliar hands grab at my sides and raise me from the ground, from a puddle of sweat and tears, dropping me into a chair that is so comfortable that it is not. I'm in a different world as I rock and move around, clawing and tearing at my hair and my skin, cradling myself as if I were a baby, tears and sweat mixing as one, wishing it would all just stop. I bubble and I boil and I dive out the chair taking strength from somewhere that I didn't even know I had, charging towards the window, a horses hoof on a fragile mosaic, throwing the window open and letting it leave, discharging the poison from my body, perhaps saving my life, burning the insides of my throat, no food inside me but vomit anyway, the lining from my stomach pouring out and onto the driveway below, splattering against the walls and the concrete, thin and watery with a few random masses, screaming and choking and suffocating.

I know it now as the realization sets in, all I can do is stand and take it, let it do what it wants, I'm helpless right now.

I have gone under.

Reviews

[lAcEy_LoO's Poems Site]

I loved it even though its about drugs and they are bad but its your life not mine... it was very real to me becuase i could see it... it was great in other words... very nice job!!!! :)

[Samuel Dickens]

You're quite skilled with words, Tyler. We are at very different places in our lives, you and I, but the 21 year-old Sam wasn't much different from you. I consumed everything I could, literally and figurativly. Drugs, alcohol, sex--all of that. Sobriety and clear thinking is my forte now, and I'm thankful for it. You do express yourself well.

[phlogiston]

Wow, the imagery in this is fantastic! I can see the person in my minds eye clawing themselves, it's a very potent image. They way the story forms and builds up is done really well. I especially love the end, the realization and acceptance of the character, it ends the story well.

[LizLadyNinja]

Wow! The vision of a high gone bad... that totally sucks. But the discription in this piece is fantastic. Your opening pulls the reader in right away. One thing that I want to suggest, you have a lot of run on sentences. I'm not sure if that is for effect, but there is one place where the sentence goes on and on and on and on. And a period in there wouldn't hurt. Otherise this is fantastic.

Also... this may show just how naieve I am.. but what is a "key" of ket? I know what Ket is, just not the phrase key.... hum...
Thanks for sharing.

[Kaylan Katz [is writing..]

You paint a very vivid and graphic portrait for the reader; if you've done drugs or not, you will be able to take a step into their world just by your beautifully sculpted writing of it. Great piece and I can't wait to read more of your writing :)

[QuillandInkWhispers]

Wow!!! Its great how you described the drugs. It was very vivid that I could picture it in my mind. This was a great story and I really enjoy it. ^_^

[Lydia Shutter]

Hello James. Sure, I will review some of your work. Glad you sent me a note. Your words in this write are quite graphic...the imagery so explicit that I could almost taste the salty liquid as it washed over the tongue and down the throat. Obviuosly describing the drug scene and since I am not familiar with it, I have no idea if the words are accurate or not. All I know for sure is that you have talent. This is good writing. Lydia

[An Ordinary Woman]

Hi James!

You asked me to stop by and have a look at your work, so here it goes.
Your writing skills are good and your story, well written. It's very descriptive. I wish there were notes or something to go with it- this makes me want/need to know more. All in all ... very good.

[Leesah]

woaw..quite a description you've displayed with your words..I felt tense as it progressed, bravo on this...

~leesah