Day 2

Day 1 I ran. I ran for clarity. I ran for clarity and for sleep. It was a sleepless night.

Its day 2. 2 days since all I could do is apologize to you. My brain says “It was only a dog”, but my heart feels so broke. Mendable but still broke. You depended on me for 10 years of your life and when you needed me the most I was not there for you. You must have been so scared. I am scared right now. Scared that I couldn’t realize the dangers that live in those woods. I am scared and the guilt is running rampant. Why didn’t I have another light or 2 in the yard? Why didn’t I go outside with you that night? Why couldn’t I move faster when I heard you yelp? Why didn’t I search for you harder or all night long? Did you think I gave up on you? Why do I even feel all of this over a dog? My heart feels broke. When I found you all I could do is apologize. I just apologized again. I want to go to sleep and pretend you are still here but I can’t. I tried but something told me to write. To feel sad, cry, feel guilt, apologize to you and write… Have I already started to heal? I still feel broke. Broke and silly. You are only a dog, but were you?